They paved paradise and I got a piece of it anyway...

Yesterday I was driving along 635, trying to get to get to a volleyball game. Called my bro, the GreatBeef, received some terrible news regarding our middle brother. Got off the phone with Beef, had some Mercy Me playing (Here With Me) and was longing to be elsewhere - anywhere but 635 on the way to a volleyball game where I would more than likely be one of the line judges as has been the case at every game except the first one (and, gasp! guess what? I was!). I longed to be somewhere I could experiance God's beauty... not amidst the concrete, skyscraper, horn-honking, finger-flipping population I was presently surrounded by. Mountains, beaches... anywhere. Just me and God.

And here come the tears.

I'm way too tired. Way too upset about my brother.

And here the song is playing about God's presense and you're never alone... and I know this. I find comfort. But I'm still on 635. So I'm kinda doin' my own worship thing in the car, as I often do... but I still wish I could just be somewhere else...

Not five minutes later... I look over to my left... and I see this huge ocean wave crashing onto a huge black rock! Torrents of rain coming down! Clouds bursting open with water pouring from the sky! I was breathless. Literally breathless. What in the world? For about 10 seconds I wasn't on 635 anymore. I couldn't tell you where I was... but I wasn't on 635!

For a second or two I thought I was going crazy. Then I saw the Xterra. Oh. How funny! It was a semi-truck that pulled up beside me with a HUGE billboard sized advertisement on the side of it that had a picture of an Xterra driving along an oceanside cliff in the rain.

I have NEVER seen one of those trucks before with one of those advertisements on them.

TELL me that truck didn't drive up beside me JUST FOR ME.

Cause I think it did.

God is good.

Beef, Discom & Ram take over the world!!! (ok, just Las Colinas)

Friday night I did something I've said I would NEVER in my life do. I had a rendevous with someone I met on the internet. But this was a little different being that I didn't go by myself, the GreatBeef came along and I wasn't meeting just anyone. I was meeting up with Discom who happens to know my uncle. If she didn't know my uncle, pretty sure there wouldn't have been a rendevous.

The Beef and I were supposed to meet up with Discom at Friday's in Grapevine. It occurred to me that she knew what I looked like but we had not clue what she looked like. This was going to be interesting. We walked in the door and I quickly scanned the seating area to see if there were any girls standing by themselves. Fresh out of luck. The host approached.

"Are you meeting a lady here?"
"Uh, yeah."
"Right this way."

Good. Saved face on that one. We followed him around the corner and he stopped. There before us were two tables. Each had a single girl at them. He held his hand out, as to tell us to be seated (as if I was supposed to know which table to go to? ha!) and looked at us. Neither of the girls were looking up. I was not about to tell this guy that I didn't know what she looked like. I stood there. What the heck was I supposed to do. Don't quite remember what happened between then and the time we sat down, but I think Discom FINALLY looked up (cause it felt like an eternity! :) and we sat down. You know, I thought it would have been kind of awkward but not at all. We all sat around and shot the bull and had ourselves a time. It was good stuff.

We got ready to leave. The initial plan was to see a movie but in the parking lot taking pictures (to prove to our little blogosphere here that we actually DID meet) we decided to head over to Williams Square in Las Colinas (I think I'm obsessed with that place, I have always loved it ever since I was a kid... not sure why) and wreck some havoc.

So off to Las Colinas (just a hop and a skip away from our present location). Apparently, Williams Square is THE place to make out on a Friday night. Never would have guessed. So here we are, the three of us (an unseemly bunch) amidst all these couples swapping spit. So to stir things up a little we decided to wade. There weren't too many people making out by the time we left. HA! So here we are, enjoying the filthy (let's please not think about what type of terrible amoebas live in that stuff) water when we see two men in suites approaching.

"You guys are going to have to get out of there."
"Well, o.k."
"There's security cameras all around here. We can see what's going on."
"We'll we're not hurting anything." - Discom was trying to work her magic and it did bring a smile to the man's face.
"Oh I know. But this water isn't treated. And if we see you back in here again, we're going to have to ask you to leave."
"O.k. Thanks."

We would have liked to mention that we never did see a sign that said "No Wading in the Fountain" but we didn't. Oh well. We sure did have them worked up. I bet that was more excitement than they get in a month.

So we decided to head over to the canal and walk down that way for a bit. We discovered a live blues band (very cool) and took some more crazy pics (Beef's takes the cake I think).

All in all we had a great evening. Much better than sitting at home doing nothing.

Now we just have to decide what part of DFW to terrorize next...

Terrible 2's?

I teach the 2 year old class on Sunday nights with a another girl from the singles class. Intitially, I felt this was going to be a beast of burden but as of late I have looked forward to Sunday evenings and here's why:

It's the simple lessons that I have been in dire need of lately. Here's a few we've been learning the past few weeks:

God made everything.
God keeps his promises.
God keeps us safe.

Wow. So simple. And yet what truth! I love sitting with R, J, T, K and D and the others working puzzles with them... I love watching them learn how to interact with one another. I love their creativity when playing with Play-Dough. I just love my 2's!

It occured to me that this is the MOST blessed bunch of kids I've ever worked with. Never have I worked with such affluent children before in my life and this is a new experiance.

What I intitally thought to be such a terrible burden is turning out to be such a wonderful blessing. I think I am learning more than they are...

Wellspring...

I just read Claraslvr's post on Elizabeth Elliot and after this morning's visit with my friend and after several months of trying to figure out what to do with the leadership situation with the singles in my church I have a plan of action and am ready and prepared to be Esther! But that is not the purpose of this post (but it did make me think about it).

C talked about how Elliot went with her husband (you guys really should read her post, she's linked from here) to do mission work with "savages" and he was killed by the very people who she eventually helped convert and how hard that must have been and so on. Her post has evoked a wellspring of thoughts. So here we go, if you're up for the ride...

I got to thinking. It must have been the summer before my freshman year or the summer before my eighth grade year but the youth group at church was making it's annual trip to the Houston Impact Church in downtown Houston, TX. I hadn't been before and was SO excited to go. I was going to go for the weekend and then go straight from there to spend the rest of the summer working at Camp of the Hills (a Christian inner-city youth camp). I remember kids parents making the BIGGEST deal out of the trip saying things like: "What if something were to happen to the kids downtown? What if one of them didn't come home?"

Now, before I finish this post, those of you reading need to understand that I don't take life lightly. I don't. I'm not making light of the fact that a parent was worried about the loss of a child. J's parent's lost Jarred my freshman year of college. Second day of classes. I remember. THAT WAS TERRIBLE. He was the same age as my middle brother Trav, a junior in high school at the time. On his way to school, feel asleep at the wheel. It's awful, so please understand that I'm not making light of that, please understand.

But here's the deal (and read Clara's post to maybe see more of where I'm coming from): where is our security? Whose are we? As Christians, what do we have to fear in death?

I was talking to a dear friend of mine the other day and we got to talking about mission work. I was expressing my feelings about it and she made it evident that it is not for her. "You go ahead!" she said. And I hear that. I understand that out of states missions isn't for some people. I hear that. You can stay in the states and minister to people here. Good for you... that's awesome. There's people here that need it too!

Gosh. I just... there's so many people that need the Word! (I'm on a tangent now... look out) Are we going to be so selfish that we're going to let Satan use our fears and whatnot to discourage us from telling people about the greatest thing that's ever happened to us?!? Do some of us even realize it's him that's doing it? GA!

There are so many things, so many things bigger than we are and some of us are going to get caught up in our petty crap.

And if there's anything I've been convicted of in the past two years it's this: when God looks at the people of South America, Asia, Guam, Thailand, Zambia, Czech Republic, Canada, and the U.S. and everyone around the world, you know what He sees? SIN. And it's the same sin everywhere. Your sin and my sin and the sin of an Asian man or an African man are all the same and equal... we'd all be separated from God if it weren't for the atoning blood of Christ Jesus and God's grace and mercy which He so RICHLY showers upon us day by day.

And how great is it that He has commissioned us, His followers to tell others about it? How amazing a responsibility?

Wow. Kinda went off there. It's just that it fires me up. A few months ago the group from Guatemala came back (had I known they were going, I would have been with them) and did a presentation on their trip. LET ME JUST TELL YOU THAT IF THEY'D ASKED FOR SOMEONE TO GO THAT NIGHT TO HELP THEM I WOULD HAVE RUN TO THE FRONT. I know it's not easy work. But it's so awesome... and it's not just about something temporary (like planning for a bridal show that happens six times a year) it's about something eternal. The scope and magnitude of that is incredible. You're impacting people for an eternity.


21 Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. 22 But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— 23 if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant.

~Colossians 1

**HEY GUYS!!! DISCOM NEEDS HELP!!!**

Discom, like how I typed in caps just for you? ;) I do what I can.

Hear ye, hear ye! (We're doing this town meetin' style, accent and all.) I call this here meetin' to order *BANG BANG* (that was the gavel) now.

So, here's the deal pickle. As most of y'all have probably noticed, Discom has not been posting on her blog recently. Well, she has a legitimate reason. Her ex found it. So, she wants us to help her come up with a new name for her new blogspot. If y'all reply with yer ideas in the comment section of this particular post it would be greatly appreciated. She will decide what her new name is (based on our responses) and let me or (us?) know as soon as it is up.

This would be a great time (Scott, Beef, Demo, Writer) for vengence or other such unmerciful types of behavior when giving blog name ideas. :)

Love ya lots Discom!

Comprende? Everyone understand the rules of engagement? Good. Cause I'm not 'splainin' it again.

This here meetins' ajerned (say it like yer Texan)
*BANG*
(there went the gavel again)

They might as well be Newly Weds

I met a friend who hasn't been at church for about 5 months this morning. Been worried sick about her but she wouldn't return anyone's calls and Kendall and I couldn't figure out what the deal was. Anyway, finally caught up with her and we got to visit. She's gonna be alright. Praise God!

We were meeting for brunch (I feel silly even writing that word). I arrived before she did and was enjoying my time people watching. There was an older couple there in the lobby. They were fabulous. In fact, they were so cute I wanted to go tell them thanks just for being such great examples to the rest of us.

The looked young just because of their love for each other. Wow. It was amazing. At one point they were standing up, facing each other and she put her hands around the back of his arms. It was the way she did it. So loving. And he just smiled. He was so proud of her. She just beamed. They eventually sat down and she put his arm through his. I know a lot of people think old people being physical is gross... and it's not like I want to dwell on it or anything but there's something sweet about it, it's rich. I mean it's good when you've been with someone for a few months or a few years right, but can you imagine after being with someone for 40 years? How well you know that person and all the stuff you've been though... the love that you have for one another... gosh. It makes my heart swell.

So anyway, sorry tangent. Back to the couple... there were several younger couples (wow, was I the odd ball in the room! ha!) that had young children, all younger than 5 years old running around. It was cute. And this older couple had the biggest time watching these kids. They were living it up! I had more fun watching them than I did the kids.

My grandparents are that way. They still flirt and carry on - but they're not gross about it. Memaw wouldn't have it, Lord knows! But my Pepaw says stuff... and he can get this smile that no one else can get out of Memaw... wow. It's so cool.

I hope to have that. If I can't have that, I don't want it at all.

Excuse me, but have you seen the White Rabbit?

I feel like I've been hit over the head with a sledge hammer. My boss is leaving for two weeks to go to Hawaii. *insert barfing noise* I only have about two gillion things to do. About four lists each with their own myriad of bullets to be done while NH is out of the office. Before the big khahuna left today, she came in my office and (yes, I do call it my office now that Lori is gone... I miss her, we had some good times in here) with her hands on my shoulders says to me:

"I really appreciate the fact that I can leave and know that things will be taken care of by you. I don't even need to be here! I guess this means I don't have to come back ever again!"

Does this mean I can have your paycheck Naomi? This is how I would interpret the situation...

I didn't sleep last night at all. I think I woke up about every hour. My Sydney slept with me. I had banned her from sleeping with me for awhile because she was shoving me out of bed. We were battling each other at night. I wasn't getting any rest and neither was she. But I've been letting her sleep with me periodically lately. Last night I should have put her up. But I didn't and here's why:

I'm going to have to give my Sydney up. *deep sigh* Yeah. The GreatBeef and I are moving into an apartment together (the house thing is just not going to work out) and none of the ones I've looked at will accept a dog with pitbull or bull terrier mix in them. How irritating. I know it's for the best. This isn't the first time I've thought about it either. It's just hard. I got her the day after I filed papers. We needed each other and if I give her up now I'll feel like I used her and left her. How terrible is that?!

Ug. Last night I was doing the dishes (I swear, does my roommate think the dishwasher is broken or something??????) and Sydney was hanging around. I kept thinking to myself, "This is not your dog anymore L. It isn't. She is someone else's now. You are merely keeping her for the time being until they come to get her. She is not your dog."

I know it's dumb. But it's like a mantra: She is not your dog anymore. I've got to get used to the idea or I'll cry a river (probably will anyway) when the day comes to take her to a new home.

Oy. New home.

Anyway, it will be for the better. Dad is researching pitbull rescue associations since most places won't accept pitbulls. We'll see if he has any luck.

It's pathetic that I cried over this yesterday. Cuddles died and now I have to give up Sydney. Dad said he has a small dog (really small) that looks alot like a german shepard, really cute that I could have if if would make me feel better, just to have the company. But I don't know. I'm not sure that would solve any problems. However, Beef would be home more than me. Maybe... oh good grief! What's my problem!?!?!?

You know, it's not that Sydney is a problem. She's just WAY to big. She eats too much and is WAY to big. A small dog would be o.k.

WHAT AM I DOING? Mercy me. I am such a sucker. Just like my Dad.

And I have to find a new apartment and move and get couches (cause I have none) and get a new job (cause I found out I can't get the raise I need here) and I need to re-vamp my resume (so I can actually get a new job) and I need to make a budget (me and numbers are like Alice in Wonderland - all screwed up) and I NEED SOME MIGRAINE MEDS NOW!!!!

In fact, I'm going to take my 15 minute break at 3 pm and run to Target and get the Amerge. Yeah. I NEED to do that cause we got paid today and I actually have the money for it now. PRAISE GOD. Then maybe I can get my lists organized and prioritize things.


Wow. I have a lot going on.

Miz-ark

Mark is:

* a servant
* in the Word
* WONDERFUL!
* passionate about spreading the gospel
* a good friend (because he actually reciprocates friendship)
* a giver and a taker
* respectful
* encouraging
* a good listener
* shockingly observant :)
* admired, respected, looked to and loved by many people (I keep discovering this)
* a goober ;)
* SO handsome (he has beautiful eyes... they're honest)
* thoughtful
* FUN!
* great with kids
* a planner
* a great people person
* a man of God
* a man of prayer
* a man of faith
* super forgetful when he's tired :) (had to throw that one in there cause I know he'll read this)
* did I mention he's just all around, wonderful? a great guy!
* oh, and he's a hottie
* he's super smart
* confident

And the list goes on...

So there's gonna be a whole slew of guys with stage II MEW disease (otherwise known in layman's terms as Mark Envy). Oh yes my friends. Besides the fact that Mark is THE man (oh yes he is) his girlfriend is the gorgeous hottie (can I get a amen?) that ALL the boys want and they will now all be inflicted with MEW disease, Mark Envy. Yes girl.

Somebody call 911!

Young Life

I went to a Young Life club meeting on Monday night. Met up with the leaders there (Mark being one of them). Never been to Young Life before. Not quite sure what to expect. I had friends in high school who did Young Life but didn't ever go to any of their activities myself. Been to their website... talked to people about it, done that kind of research but hadn't experianced it yet.

So I got there early and met the other leaders. They were all super nice and made me feel really welcomed which I was REALLY grateful for. We all circled up and Dave (the head honcho of this outfit) gave everyone inteneraries for the evening and discussed the events and whatnot. He even gave me an assignment! Before we prayed, Mark read a scripture and had a few words of encouragement. And let me just say that Mark is awesome. He is a man of the Word.

The kids came in and we sang some fun secular songs, the guys did some skits, the kids played some games and Ed got the kids simmered down by playing a christian song. Dave did a devotional thought and it was GREAT. He talked about how he sees there's three ways to see Jesus and everyone in that room sees Jesus in one of those three ways...

It was amusing to see Mark and the guys all decked out - ghetto fabulous - for the skit they did. They were hilarious! The kids loved it!

It dawned on me that Young Life really isn't about kids who already go to church. Young Life is about drawing the kids in who would never darken the doorway of a church. It's about planting the seed. That seed may take root today or next week or a year or 10 years from now. But the point is: it's about planting it.


I enjoyed being there with those high schoolers. It was a good time, you know. They weren't out getting into trouble anywhere and they heard a good message. I'm all about that. It's funny, cause they look so young to me now. Did we look that young in high school? I'm sure we did. I think I may start helping out on Mondays. I miss working with kids. That has been evident for awhile. Volleyball will be over next week and I'll be missing those rascals. This will be a great way to get involved with more kids who need Jesus.

We'll see.

So those of you who don't know much about YL should check it out: www.younglife.org. It's a pretty cool ministry.

Can I Get a "What What'"

Last night I spent the evening with the "Cool Folks" as deemed in an earlier post. The crew of coolness consisted of Mark's parents (yeah, I totally wrote his name out cause we're OFFICIAL and he's my boyfriend now... wow, I'm SO middle school right now but I'm cool with that), Mark, Ed (Mark's hysterical friend), and me. Mrs. Williams and I cleaned up the dishes left over from supper and talked for awhile. Ed and Mr. Williams watched the previous weeks Rowlett football game.

When the dishwasher was loaded and the game was over we all sat around the living room and shot the bull. But don't you think Mr. Williams didn't forget to make a pot of coffee and don't you think he didn't offer me a cup! He gave it to me in a "Texas A&M DAD" mug. "Can you drink out of an A&M mug?" he asked me. "Sure I can. My Dad's an Aggie!"

It wasn't too long before Dave, a guy who helps head up Young Life in the area, came to the house and Mark, Dave and Ed went in the back yard to have a meeting.

So, the Williams and I talked for awhile. Mr. Williams and I talked about guns. Yeah. I'm a lunatic. What girl sits around with the guy she's dating Dad (can't say boyfriend yet... this was the pre-boyfriend talk! HA!) and talks about guns?!? He has a militia at his house. I wanted to ask to see but was afriad that he might really think I was crazy.

Oh. Funny story. After the first time I met the Williams, I guess Mark asked his Dad what he thought about me and his Dad said I was, and I quote, "Salty." Yeah. Salty. Mark says this is a good thing (coming from his dad). Interpretation of the word salty: I can hold my own. At least I think that's what I understand it to mean... it cracks me up. I'm going to make a t-shirt that says "Salty" on it. Anyway.

We talked about my job and what or where it is I think I'm doing or where I'm going. Mr. Williams was a real encouragement. "You just shoot for the moon and know that you can do anything and that you're the best at it and that's not being boastful, it's just what you have to do to get there." Much like what my Dad has always said... just a little different verbage.

I really, really, really enjoy their company.

Poor Mrs. Williams was so tired and her allergies were killing her. She had been up early and didn't get good rest the night before. I think we were all a little beat. I really enjoyed getting to hear their stories about them trying to make some extra money by sewing restuarant uniforms when they were newlyweds. They even shared some about taking care of Mr. William's parents this past year.

Well, the guys concluded their meeting and Dave left. The original cool crew sat around and talked for a little longer and then Ed, Mark and I headed over to the other house to enjoy one another's company a little longer. :)

It was a great evening. Super fabulous. I just feel at home over there as I'm sure most people who go to their house do. It's just a great place to be.

Customer Service my left foot...

Just got off the phone with a photographer in our bridal shows. He's a jerk. He asked Em to pose nude for a shoot one time. Idiot.

So I'm in charge of sending the vendors the brides leads we get from the shows to them. So I called to verify he recieved his list. Ug. I'm friendly. I'm nice. And he asks me why we changed the format of the list from Access to Excel. Well, that's what most people wanted, so that's why. Well, he just can't seem to deal with that so he asks why can't I get it to him any other way?

Sure. Why not? It's my job to cater to them. Do what they wish.

So I tell him I'll get it to him in the format he requested.

This involves: calling Glenda to get the other format, more than likely driving to Plano (IN MY FREAKIN' GAS GUZZLIN' JEEP) to get the disk (since more than likely she won't or CAN'T email it (yeah, don't ask why, PLEASE don't ask why, I deal with the technically inept ALL DAY LONG), then I'll get back to the office and spend 30 minutes getting the stupid thing to him all so this idiot can have his way and all in the name of customer service.

YOU THINK ANYONE HAS GIVEN ME ANY KIND OF CUSTOMER SERVICE LIKE THIS?!?!?!?

You think my boss will notice? Or say thank you? Or give me any kind of credit?!?!?!

NO! I don't think so!
And it's not the fact that I want any credit it's the principle of the matter. That I work hard and I get NOTHING in return. AND TODAY IT PISSES ME OFF.

Dadfreakin'gumit. And on top of this, the migraine that has be sitting on the edge of my left temple for about three days now has hit. Yeah. And I have no Amerge to take of it.

How's that for complaining?

And I'm not even going to apologize.

Surrendering to the Surrender

I've always said I'm not a morning person. This doesn't mean I'm grumpy in the mornings, as some people are. I just don't typically enjoy getting up at the crack of dawn. But then again, once I'm up, I'm up and it is nice to be up when no one else is and have some time to yourself. This being said, I decided when setting my alarm last night to set it about 45 minutes earlier than usual (and told myself I was actually going to get up when it went off). So this morning when the alarm went off, I pressed the snooze button (which I used to NEVER do, I HATED it when Bekah pressed the snooze button in college) about three times and finally decided that I needed to drag myself out of bed and get in the shower.

I usually try to spend my prayer time in the morning and my time in the Word at night. However, I don't always get home at the same time. Uh yeah. I NEVER get home at the same time and when I do I'm usually totally exhausted and I need to get to bed pronto so I either cut it short or put it off. So I was thinking last night that I should read first thing in the morning. This will help in two areas of my life.

One, I will get my time in the Word first thing and it will start my day off on the right foot. Best foot forward.

Two, I will be getting to work earlier. This will mean a little more money (which will help alot right now) and because I will have started my day off right with the Lord I will have a better attitude on my way in the door Insanity (otherwise known as BSI) and will be better equipt to do my job and do it with a good attitude.

And speaking of God and jobs and the like... I need to get this off my chest as well.

Oh, but first. My time reading this morning was so enriching I can't hardly believe it. I mean I can, because it was. But GOD IS SO GOOD and it never ceases to amaze me. It really never does. It amazes me how the Spirit guides me to certain scriptures and leads me to exactly the places I need to be in the word. Like in Titus this morning... WOW. Yeah... EXACTLY what I needed. I would ask how He knows I needed it but that would be the DUMBEST question ever. He made me! And I'll come back to this rabbit trail in a minute... I'm in a rabbit trail sort of mood this morning...

*hop * hop*

I have HATED telling people where I work and what I do for months now because it makes me feel stupid. I have a degree right? I'm a smart person, right? I am capable of doing something significant, right? What am I doing here at this place doing menial crap for her, right? So, here's what I have decided as of this morning. I, as Hezekiah did the letter sent by Sennacherib in Isaiah 37:14 (have always loved this story) am laying myself before the LORD and asking him to give ear. I am giving myself to him. "Here I am, [take] me!" (Isaiah 6:8) I'm not going to be ashamed. I am no longer going to let Satan have that foothold, telling me that I'm stupid and I'm worthless because of my occupation at this point in time. I'm going to let God work. I'm going to be open and willing, not that I haven't been thus far, but I HAVE been guilty of wanting it to be my way in my time. And I need to confess that. I need to confess that.

So I'm laying myself down. Here I am... here I am, LORD.

AND IT FEELS GOOD!

Wow. God is moving and working and it's awesome. He is just SO AWESOME!!!!! And it's exciting. I know he'll use me where I am. He is using me. And He'll let me know what to do, where I'm supposed to be. He'll let me know. In His time.

And while I was driving to work I got to thinking about the seraphs in Isaiah who call to Him, "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory." And isn't it though? I was standing in a small field last night, the charcoal colored sky, the wind gentle rustling the tall green grass... it was amazing. I just stood there and let God be. Just stood there soaking it in. Just me and God. And I know He was there cause He's in everything.



8Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under his wings. Day and night they never stop saying: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come." Rev. 4


I long for your embrace
Every single day
To meet you in this place
And see you face to face

Will you show me?
Reveal yourself to me
Because of your mercy
I fall down on my knees

And I can feel your presence here with me
Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty
Caught up in the wonder of your touch
Here in this moment I surrender to your love

You're everywhere I go
I am not alone
You call me as your own
To know you and be known

You are holy
And I fall down on my knees

I can feel your presence here with me
Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty
Caught up in the wonder of your touch
Here in this moment I surrender to your love

I surrender to your grace
I surrender to the one who took my place

I can feel your presence here with me
Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty
Caught up in the wonder of your touch
Here in this moment I surrender

I can feel your presence here with me
Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty
Caught up in the wonder of your touch
Here in this moment I surrender to your love
~ Mercy Me


3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
2 Peter 1

Sorry guys!

I think there is a difference in knowing truth and seeing truth. Knowledge and discernment. Knowing is something you come to do and discerning is a gift in most cases.

Been thinking alot about this lately.

May have to follow up on this later because now that I sit to write it I find that ther are to many other things clouding my mind to wade through them to find my purpose. And this stupid migraine medicine isn't helping any either. I hate it. It makes my mind muddy (which explains why I haven't blogged all week).

Wait. Just give me a minute. I'm finding clarity. It just takes a second...

Speaking of truth... this is a tangent... nothing to do with the above but I have been reading 1984 by George Orwell. Actually, this DOES have to do with the above. O.k. (Clarity is coming. Bare with.) I just started it for the second time. I have a love/hate relationship with this book because it is so great but the end is such a tragedy! It is the first book I have ever finished and at the reading of the last words wanted to destroy. And I mean I wanted to watch the pages be discentigraded in some form or fashion... it stirred that much emotion. What an amazing writer. But it's not just Orwell's writing but the subject on which he was writing on. It stirrs my soul and I rememer that no one else in school (when we read it) cared. Could they not see what was right in front of their faces?!?!?! Oh humanity!

I came across this quote when reading (while waiting in the jury pool room):

"Curiously, the chiming of the hour seemed to have put new heart into him. He was a lonely ghost uttering truth that nobody would ever hear. But so long as he uttered it, in some obsure way the continuity was not broken. It was not by making yourself heard buy by staying sane that you carried on the human heritage. He went back to the table, dipped his pen, and wrote:"

This quote jumped off the page at mean, screamed at me. It screamed a hundred things to me. Thoughts of Scott's post on propheys and conversations my brother and I have on a daily basis and how I feel regularly and feelings of hopelessness and hope and the feelings of the struggles at church right now and my friends Emily and Roshawna and... wow alot of stuff.

And I just realized that this makes no sense at all. This week has been crazy. My boss has not only asked me to continue to do my job but also do the job of a sales rep and not only that but this money situation is about to drive me out of my mind. And then there's PC. And K and G and L. And A asked me why I'm still there, why I don't just go to another church. Because I made a commitment. That's why. She and N are leaving once they're married because of stuff. There's problems with any church, but it's one thing to have problems and try to fix them and another to be content with your sorry attitudes. Mercy... I shouldn't have said that.

So this is a post to make up of the rest of the week I guess. Makes no sense. Just empyting my head this morning. I've had a great morning! I had a GREAT night's sleep and am ready to have a day for myself which I haven't done in a long time.

New Blog Pic

So, I have a new blog pic. I know its not in focus. It's not supposed to be... but I know someone's going to make a comment so I'm going to explain now so as not to have to explain later.

It's etherial. It's in motion. It's how I feel right now - non-stop. But I'm smiling because it's all good. Because I know who's in control and I have peace with that amidst the craziness.

It's black and white because black and white captures emotion and motion better than color. Color tends to distract.

So there you have it.

Mercy Me

Word Of God Speak
by Mercy Me


I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay

Seriously?

So initially I was going to blog about how crappy money is. And it is. I hate it. It's a terrible necessity. I have bills running out my ears. I have to start paying off my student loans in November and don't make enough to start doing that. I don't know what I'm going to do. I have no clue. I have only been eating once a day and I need to buy dog food but I can't until the end of the week. I put off buying my migraine meds for a week and THAT was a terrible mistake but I couldn't do anything else cause I had to pay rent. God is going to have to take care of it.

I don't have to have alot of anything. I just want the security of knowing things will be taken care of. I don't want Gucci or Prada. In fact, that crap makes me ill. Why spend a million bucks on crap like that... but I don't want to have to stress about where the money for bills is going to come from.

Maybe I should strip on the weekends... just kidding. Really guys, I'm just kidding! Trying to lighten the mood here. Anyway...

I was going to ask my boss for a raise yesterday and my friend I have been so recently reconciled to told me to wait a day, wait until after I interviewed with the school today. So I did. I just sat down to my computer at work (which my boss has given me twice as much to do, not only my job but the job of the sales rep as well because the one we had is leaving and I'm not getting paid any extra for doing her work) and there was an email from my boss entitled "Gas Raise." ???

So I open the email. And I got a raise.

I got a raise.

Holy cow... I GOT A RAISE. Not a huge one... not anything to go crazy about, but just enough. Just exactly what I needed. I went and hugged my boss.

GOD IS SO GOOD TO ME. SOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD.

WHY?

All I have to say is this:

Psalm 68
19 Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,
who daily bears our burdens.

Reconciliation

Today an amazing thing happened. I was reconciled to an old friend. I've written about her before out of hurt and frustration. But today at the office it was all absolved.

We were standing in her office talking about my current job prospect and she looked at me and said:
"You know L, I've been thinking alot about you lately and praying for you. I know I shouldn't do this here at the office, but I don't see you any other time. I got to thinking the other day that if you get this job, which I think would be great, it's exactly what you would be great at, but I got to thinking that I might not ever see you again. And I know that we haven't talked about alot of stuff. I know I don't know every detail of your life, I know I don't know exactly what happened with J, but I want you to know that I love you very much and that I when I told you those things earlier that I just wanted to let you know what was on my heart. I know it came across as being judgmental but I never meant it to be that way. I want you to know that I have put it in God's hands. It's in His hands L and I want you to know that. We have so many wonderful memories together and I just love you and want you to know that. I want you to know that if you get this job and I don't see you again here, I'll see you in Heaven." She stood up and we embraced.

At this point she and I were both in tears. Only a few of you reading this know waht all of this means and that's o.k. I felt like 1,000 pounds was lifted from my shoulders. My good friend, my good friend and I were reconciled. God be praised!

She continued:
"And I want you to know that I'm proud of you because you're not mad at God or mad at the world and I would not have been able to handle the situation as well. I'm really proud of you."

I just wanted to share this with y'all because it is such a blessing. SUCH a blessing!!!! Wow. And I needed this today more than anything. More than anything...

Cuddles

My Dad called me yesterday and told me that our family dog of 15 or 16 years died of a rattle snake bite. Stupid snake.

I loved that dog. If I had a picture of her I post it, but I don't have one with me. I taught her to place fetch. I'd come home from school and stand outside for hours and show her how to fetch. We've had her since I was in the third or fourth grade.

Dang. She was a good dog.

I know it's just a dog, but she was part of the family.

My Dad has a blog now, you should read it. It's linked from here: AggieVet. He wrote some about Cuddles as well.

I just don't have much more to say about it right now. I just miss the ol girl. She was a good dog. What a dog should be: loyal and true.

I wish I could have been there yesterday when she went... to hold her. To give her a hug.

If only people were as good as she was. That's sad to say, isn't it?

Tagged by Scott

I'm tagging Writer, Demo and Honeybee.

1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog? uh, I don't try to look hot because someone will recognize me from my blog... but I do try to take care of myself... I can't help it if I'm such a HOTTIE. Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful (*written with staunch sarcasim*)
2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered? No way Jose! Most the pics I post are mine and I DO NOT edit them. It's sacriledge!
3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you? Not creeps, but dorks, yes.
4. Do you lie in your blog? Never, but I do use a lot of sarcasim.
5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog? no
6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop? nope
7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping? Nope and whether or not I should be: well, we could probably all use a little therapy.
8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones? I have yet to delete a comment and no, I don't fake nice ones. :)
9.Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog? How about after? Holy heck! I'm not sure exactly what this means (and I'm dumb enough to admit it cause it's MY blog and I can do whatever I want when I'm here) but I'm pretty darn straight the answer is NO.
10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less? I don't know. Interesting question. You tell me.
11. Do you have a job? Yes. And I'm looking for another one to replace the one I have.
12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it? Heck yes!
13. Which blogger do you want to meet in real life? All of them! In fact, we should all do something weird (wow, I am a freak for suggesting this) like meet up on a cruise or something. It could be interesting.
14. Which bloggers have you made out with? (a)In real life? (b)In fantasy? None of them that I'm aware.
15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have? More? But just for the purpose of saving face.
16. Does your family read your blog? Yes. I know my Mom does, not sure about my Dad (he probably doesn't), my bro and uncles and cousins do as well.
17. How old is your blog? 6 months or so
18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care? No but it would be kinda fun to.
19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar? Nope. This is it. Good grief, if I had two blogs I wouldn't have ANY kind of life!
20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing? Uh no.
21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes? I CAN EARN MONEY on my blog!?!?!?!
22. Is blogging narcissistic? I guess it could be. But that's not why I blog. I initially did the blog thing because it was a way to express myself and not worry about what people thought. But at the same time, it is nice to know people are reading. I really enjoy the little "blogging family" I have now. It's not only entertaining but enlightening as well.
23. Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time? Yeah.
24. Do you like John Mayer? YES!!! He's great!
25. Do you have enemies? Nope. Well, yes, but they're not people...
26. Are you lonely? I suppose that it depends on when you ask... and it depends on what you're talking about. Scott was right, this is a loaded question.
27. Why bother? Why bother with what? I think that most things are worth the bother. Anything worth anything is worth the bother.

How Now Brown Cow?

Once a month we drive from Addison to Fort Worth for a Wednesday luncheon. It's a guild luncheon. We go to network (at least we're supposed to). Today's luncheon was a designated progressive lunch. We went from a local hotel in the Fort Worth Stockyards, to Billy Bob's to a wedding chapel/reception hall.

Upon arriving at the stockyards at 11:30 am, my boss dropped Tracy and I off so that we could stand on the sidewalk and see the daily cattle drive through the streets! And I'm glad I had my camera. (Yes, I was the dork taking pictures.) I had no clue they ran a few steer through the streets everyday at 11:30 am and 4:00 pm. It was pretty cool.

While we were standing there, we met an interesting fellow. He had his own steer, name of Shiloh. He was a really cute steer, had really gentle eyes. I know, I know... I'm crazy, but if your Dad talked about cows (and made analogies regarding your dating life involving bulls & heifers) all the time you'd appreciate them too.

Anyway, it was cool. It was nice to get out of the office and see some sights. The blisters on my feet from wearing heels aren't so great, but I wanted to share the pics with y'all. I figure sharing pics is better than sharing blisters, right?

Beep, Beep! I love my Jeep!

So after not having my Jeep for a whole day, I'M VERY THANKFUL to have it back this morning!!!!!!

I love my new tires, they ride well (and they sure better for as much as they cost!!!!!!) It feels like a new car. It has been realigned and we're good to go.

I AM SO THANKFUL FOR MY JEEP!!!! And the fact that the credit card went through this morning...

Driving from Sears Automotive to the office was like driving on Cloud 9. Yes sir, we just floated on over to the offive. I don't think the wheels even touched the ground.

GOD IS GOOD.

Overwhelmed and Overworked

I just got through reading Claraslvr's post. Everyone should visit her blog because it's fantastic. Anyway, Claraslvr, you're not alone. I know how you feel.

I probably wouldn't be feeling this way had I been committing things to prayer in the last week like I should have. But I was frustrated and upset and let those things get to me. I tried to figure things out instead of having the LORD do it. So, my misery today and yesterday are of my own doing and I shouldn't ask Him, "why?" when I know the answer - it's me.

But I can't help but be frustrated. I have a degree and work at the most mindless job ever. And I'm not making squat for it. I have asked for His will and am looking for it... and I know that He will use me wherever it is that I am... but I guess when it comes down to it - I want to feel important. What's the first thing people ask you? "So, what do you do for a living?" We ask this as if it tells you alot about the person you're asking.

My dear friend reminded me last night (and I needed the reminder) that God calls us to be men and women of God. Bottom line. And so long as I'm doing that then I'm doing His will.

So simple - and yet I tend to complicate the simplest of situations. But it's because I'm afraid of the Enemy - the one working against me.

I can see for other people but on things like grad school and work I can't seem to see anything for myself. I'm learning... but it's a slow process. A slow and painful process.

And speaking of other people, I feel that I have 50 people who want my attention and I've only got 24 hours in the day. So I can't spend individual time with every single person. I know B needs to be ministered to but what about me having any time? What about what I need to take care of? It makes me crazy! I feel like butter spread over too much bread...

And there are wonderful things in my life - TREMENDOUS blessings. And I'm very thankful... even though I can't pay for the stupid new set of tires on my car, I'm thankful I have a car. I'm thankful for the roof over my head. I'm thankful for excellent friends and family. But it's hard not to be overwhelmed some days - with the stress of money and whatnot. And looking for a new place to live and how that will pan out... and school and singles group and volleyball practices and games and leadership in general and... the list goes on and on.

So God, help me. I just need help! I need to give you control, I need to have faith. And I need to not worry.

I need to stop trying to please the whole of the world and do what I feel called to do. Or what I feel is right... or whatever. I just need to stop worrying about it. And thing is, is that up until last week I was getting pretty good. I was committing things to prayer everyday and giving it to Him. Last week has completely thrown me for a loop.

So, I'm asking for your prayers - those of you who pray. I'm asking you to pray for what it is I'm supposed to be doing. I'm asking you to pray that I will have peace. I'm asking you pray for my family with the stress of selling the clinic. I'm asking you pray for God's will in my relationships.

Thanks.

Pigskin Smigskin - the uncles are going down!

So every year (as mentioned on Karalynz's blog) my Dad's side of the family gets together for Thanksgiving (my FAVORITE holiday) and we play us some football. There's a football field (where the Lohn Eagles play 6 man every year) near my great grandmother's house and we'll head out there (a whole 25 steps from the house) and get our pigskin on.

Here's how we split the teams: My Dad has four living brothers (Tim isn't with us anymore) and they will all team up. All of the cousins (the brother's children) will team up. There's usually a few second cousins around and so we'll split them up according to how many people we have on the teams thus far.

EVERY YEAR the cousins get tromped. Why is this? We're playing against 40 year olds!!!! For crying out loud!?!?! What's our problem?

So, I have (like Karalynz) come up with a game plan. I will be sending the cousins play-books. STUDY HARD fellow cousins, STUDY HARD because this year WILL be different. We will not be defeated!!!! We will not leave the field in shame!!!!

Rosalie & Eric

At the Target off of Marsh and Beltline, there happens to be a lady by the name of Rosalie. Let me tell you alittle about Rosalie. She always wears her hair in a bun. She has to be in her 50s I would think... but doesn't have much grey hair. She is hispanic (so even at her age, her skin color is beautiful) and speaks with an accent. I love it. When you check out at Rosalie's counter, you don't just get the typical "how are you? did you find everything o.k.?" spill that every other clerk will give you. Nope. Rosalie excels in customer service and entertainment. She chatters mindlessly (at least, most people would say it was mindlessly) and she will sing "Don't Worry Be Happy" while scanning your purchased items among other things. She has these sayings, I never can remember them, but there're always fabulous and they make my day. She is a doll. I watch people as they stand in her line. They way they treat her makes me SO angry. I don't understand it. How could you not appreciate her? What's so wrong with returning the goodwill she is so determined to give to people? Oy. It torments me. Anyway, she's great. Well, my boss sent me to Target today to buy every last heavy duty umbrella they had. We have a bridal show on Sunday (ug) and she is expecting the weather to be terrible. So, I went to Target and bought 15 umbrellas and 6 jars of picante sauce (for the seminar we hosted this evening.) So I have the umbrellas and hot sauce and I get in Rosalie's line. She looks at the contents I've just thrown onto the conveyor belt and says, "You expecting it to rain?" If this question had come from anyone else, I would have thought them an idiot. But not Rosalie.

"Well, my boss sent me for these."

She looked at the umbrellas again. Then the hot sauce.

"I can't tell if you will be cold or you will be hot!" I think by this she meant, cold from the rain and hot from the sauce, but I'm not sure. I chuckled. Rosalie and the lady behind me thought I was a complete fool and half crazy. I loved it because Rosalie, who everyone else thinks is crazy thought I was crazy today. I love it.

She finished ringing me up and said, "I'll see you when I see you." She always says this as people leave her register. I think it's a very appropriate saying, being that we really don't know when the next time we'll see people is.

So then I go to pick up copies at Office Depot. Eric, I've blogged about him before, poor thing. He married a woman in China about 2 months ago. And I mean, she is from China and he went there to marry her. Well, she can't come to the states until all the paper work is finished which could be 6 months to 2 years!!!! Needless to say, he usually wants to talk about it. He misses her! Who wouldn't need to talk about it? I make it a point to ask how his wife is because he loves to talk about her. There was a woman in front of me picking up a stamp order and she was so rude to him. It just infuriates me!

I'm just so tired of the selfishness!! Good gravy!

If people would just stop for 5 seconds and ask someone how they were doing and honestly meant it (as opposed to it being a formality) we would be so much better off!

Anyway, I hope people like Rosalie and Eric have people who love them to go home to at night. Eric will soon, but at least until then he can talk to his wife over instant messanger or the phone. I'm not sure about Rosalie, but I hope she has great people in her life who cover her in their love.

Everyone deserves to be loved by someone. Everyone deserves to be listend to. We just need to stop and remember that some days because I think too often that not, we are so caught up in our own lives that we are blinded and can't see the needs of those around us.

God, help us see the needs of those around us. Forgive us when we're blinded by our own selfishness.

These kinds of tests are fun...

Teacher You scored 47 intelligence, 60 diligence, 51 charisma, and 52 compassion!

You are well-rounded and nurturing. The future of the world is in your hands. People will never understand how difficult your job is until they try it. "Don't you spend all day coloring pictures?" Ha. Right. Other jobs you might be good at: pretty much anything you enjoy

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 29% on intelligence You scored higher than 88% on diligence You scored higher than 83% on charisma You scored higher than 91% on compassion

Link: The Ideal Job for Your Personality Test written by newbluechampion on Ok Cupid

Livin' La Vida Dorka!

that's pretty much all I have to say about that

Politically Correct

Took this test via Marrie and Scott's blog. The outcome is as expected. However, could do without my picture being right smack dab on top of John Kerry's head. Lying sack of crap...

Social Moderate (50% permissive) and an... Economic Moderate (43% permissive) You are best described as a: Centrist Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid

Pass the credit please... oh sorry! we're fresh out

Have they not been listening for five years? This is what I've been trying to say. This is what I've been trying to express to them. This is the fundamental problem.

And here's another fundamental problem. My family can't communicate. You either get your head torn off or shut out, not listened to. And I'm tired of trying to play mediator. I went home last time exhausted. I tried to mediate and just get people to see both sides, IT'S NOT PERSONAL DAMN IT. But no, we have to make it that way.

And it doesn't matter that I went home last night and cried for a good hour and wrote til my arm and head hurt. Nope. It doesn't matter.

Should anyone take this personally? NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.

NO.

Are we not, have we not, have I not been raised to be open to what the book says, that churches that preach what the Good Book says are o.k.?????? But now, all of the sudden, it's not. All of the sudden, everything we've been discussing is a moot point.

I'm talking about a bigger issue here, one that has been eating at me since Day One at ACU.

Amanda's (my roommate) father is in Iraq. He is not in the military but he lives on a military base. He told Amanda a story a few weeks ago about how they decided to have church on their base. They're weren't enough people to split up into their set denominations, so the people met and decided to talk about what they all agreed upon. So they did. And they all had church together. And they discovered that they really had alot in common - they weren't as different as they thought.

Isn't this what a church is and should be about? Doing what the Good Book says? When did we become so consumed with our own agendas? Satan's best tool is the church. He does his best work within churches. IT MAKES ME SICK.

You know, my parents are always telling me to "find someone on the same spiritual page as you." But is that what they really want? Are my parents and I on the same spiritual page? I don't think we have been for awhile. And if someone wants to place blame... you can start with good 'ol ACU.

I think I deserve a little more credit than I'm getting right now. I'm not acting like Travis because I have been listening. I HAVE BEEN LISTENING. I do not yell at people at the drop of a hat. I ask questions to clarify the situation to better understand because I want to understand. I love it that my parent's think that I'll run off with the next thing who happens to look my way and has a penis. Good deal. Good. If that were the case... let's see I could have run off with (to name few): Jason, Darren (who is doing mission work as well I might add), Keith, Brandon, Steve and that's just a few at church. Would you like me to name the un-Godly ones? (or wait, maybe I already did) The 52 gillion I meet through work who ask for my number because they think that bangin' me for a night might be fun.

GIVE ME SOME F#$*&#*$ credit here folks.

Didn't get any credit when I was married. Still don't get any now. Gee. Not alot has changed.

An evening with some cool folks...

So this weekend my friend Lori and I went to M's parent's house to visit with them and his bro Seth and Seth's roommate Clint. Needless to say it was tons of fun! Wasn't expecting to have steak and mashed potatoes... but it was some of the best steak I've had in a LONG time. Muy bueno. It was great to see how M and S interacted with their parents, how his parent's interacted together, how M interacted with his Mom, etc.

After Lori and M and I helped with the dinner fixin's we all sat down to eat. Clint prayed for us (he's such a doll) and we all ate and talked and enjoyed one another's company. It was great!

After dinner, Lori, Mr. Williams and I sat around the table (Mr. Williams and I with our delicous coffee) and talked for a good while. Once again, it was great. I can't re-iterate enough how great it was.

When we left the house that night, Lori commented that she felt like they were kind of like family... it was that cool. I have to say I felt the same way.

It was really nice. I hadn't felt that way since I've been in Dallas and it was neat. It's always nice to be surrounded by a great group of Godly people.

All in all, I probably only said 10 words to M the entire evening! We made the salad together, but we spent most of our time visiting with everyone else. He walked Lori and I out to the car and we talked then... but I didn't think about how little time we actually spent together until until later. I thought that was kinda cool (being that it was the first time I'd been to his parent's house).

Anyway, just wanted to share some of the weekend's events. It was great.

Have I mentioned that it was great yet?

Fabulous even?

Stupendous!

Marvelous!!

Supercalfrajalisticexpealidoucious even!!!

It was really cool.

Things that make me tick

* seeing someone in an "Ah ha!" moment... when they "get it"
* passion (anybody need any? I've got plenty to share...)
* serving, serving, serving, serving, serving
* music (if I like it, I listen to it)
* laughing
* making cookies with my bizzle
* helping someone figure "things" out
* writing... doesn't matter what... just so long as I have a pen (or a PC)
* learning something new
* teaching someone something new
* one-on-one time
* seeing people come together to make something happen or make a change
* observing God's creation

I could probably think of more but I want to know what makes you tick!

Counting my Blessings

* money enough to pay bills, even if it's by the skin of my teeth
* superb family
* at least two real friends, who fill me up when I'm empty as opposed to taking when
they know I'm running on empty
* a roof over my head
* excellent family
* a God, who, despite my daily failures, despite my bullheadedness: continually and freely gives me mercy and grace; who loves/ed me enough to send his one and only son to die on a cross... to redeem me, to make me righteous, to bring me into His holiness, to call me home to Him
* a refrigerator
* the fact that I'm literate
* the fact that I'm healthy, that I'm not handicapped in anyway physically
* the ability to worship freely in this country without fear of molestation by the government
* my dog
* Dr. Pepper!
* the ability to think, reason, and discern for myself
* my Jeep
* my job
* my roommate
* the weather today
* the pen I enjoy writing with at work
* the people I visit with at Office Depot
* writing in my journal/s
* Prestoncrest
* the new people in my life recently
* my blogging buddies :)
* the opportunity to coach the volleyball team
* the girls on the team - each of them is a blessing, their smiles, their laughter, their "Ah ha!" moments... it's awesome
* seeing the guys at PC start to take initiative and step up to the plate... see them thinking about taking on some leadership

and the list goes on and on and on...

what are some of your blessings?

A Very Merry Un-Birthday

O.k. after today, I will not be upset about the birthday anymore. But I'm pissed. Don't tell me you're going to plan a party and then forget about it. Don't tell me you're going to call and then don't. And then, this all happens after one of the worst weekends in a year. Good grief. And then at the office they forget to order a cake. And then I have to spend my birthday money on food for the week. And then I get one present, which, you know it's not the quantity, it's that for the second year in a row people forgot. The cake wouldn't have been this cool looking if TK hadn't forgotten to order it and they hadn't had to have put two different sized layers together. It's the coolest cake I've ever had (except the doll cake my mom made when I was in 4th grade). Which I then had to take to my aunt and let my ungrateful cousins eat. Anyway...

I'm done complaining. It's out now. But I'm posting the pic because I thought the cake was kickin'.

So a VERY MERRY UN-BIRTHDAY to me today... or something.

Words of Affirmation

I think my primary love language is words of affirmation. Here's why I've come to that conclusion: this week I've noticed that on several occasions mere words have brought me to elation. Elation. Here are a few examples.

* Upon walking into the gym for volleyball practice with the girls on Tuesday, several of them screamed, "LAURA!!" My heart almost couldn't contain itself.

* Yesterday I was talking to M in the parking lot and he said, "I could stand here and talk to you all night." It was the first thing I thought about this morning.

* I also received a text message yesterday that said, "You are amazing." !!!!!!!!!! I could live off of that one statement for a month.

That kind of stuff fills my love tank. And I don't think we did it much in our family growing up... the wordy kind of stuff I mean. And we weren't so touchy either. So, I think if I were to rank my love languages (why I'm doing this right now, I'm not sure... I've been trying to figure this out for awhile though) they would go something like this:

1. Words of affirmation
2. Gifts
3. Physical touch
4. Acts of Service
5. Time

Now, that's someone else filling up my love tank. When I choose to fill up someone else's, I don't necessarily fill them up the same way I choose to be filled. It goes something like this:

1. Acts of service
2. Physical touch
3. Gifts/words of affirmation
4. Time

I feel like some of these kind of melt together. Anyway, this is a weird post. But I was drifting away while sitting here at my desk... thinking about all sorts of good things. Just thinking... and this is just some of what I thought of.

I know I haven't posted in awhile... been writing in my journal alot in the past two weeks. Personal things... too personal for you guys! Even if you do know my name now Discom! ;)

If you ain't from Texas, get out the Whitehouse and shut-up

I've had these pictures to post for awhile. Now's the prime opportunity. Here's the deal: Bush is a man's man. He knows how to work and he knows how to play. He gets the job done. He loves his family and he's not afraid to admit it. He doesn't have a zipper problem... i.e. he keeps what God gave him in his pants. He is a good man.

Does he define my ethics? No. But he's a damn good man. And I'm glad he's representing my country as opposed to some idiot who can't decided what he believes one day to the next, who messes around with anything and everthing, who can't commit to an idea, belief or person. I'm sick and tired of the media. I'm sick and tired of the complaining. So this is for you W. You ROCK.

Tie a Red Ribbon around Ram Week

Dude. Last night a good friend deemed me "over commited." And I think he's right. I nearly lost it. I think mostly because I'm WAY too tired right now. After last weeks marathon of sleepless nights... I'm bushed. And last night wasn't too much better. I had a terrible nightmare. Woke up angry. I hate that. I was yelling at my dog this morning... it was aweful.

We used to have red ribbon week at school, you remember? "Say No to Drugs." Well, I need a red ribbon. "Say No to You." No, I will not teach 2's on Sunday night for the fall quarter and co-lead the singles group and coach a volleyball team (without realizing it would be a 6 hour a week commitment). But did I say no? No. I didn't. I want to coach volleyball and I want to lead the singles. But I don't want to teach 2's. And I don't want to work extra hours at work. And I don't want to do... etc., etc., etc.

We had a ministry meeting last night for all the singles at Prestoncrest. S, K and I have each adopted an area of ministry to organize and head up. To make a long story short, I have the biggest one: IN reach, the one most people are interested in participating in due to the nature of it. So we're all sitting around, everyone's throwing out great ideas and we get to the part where *GASP* people need to take on a specific task. TAKE ON SOME RESPONSIBILITY. And NO ONE takes anything on. NO ONE. So I feel the need to explain that since we have so many people interested that no one should feel burdened... we can all take on small projects. Not one person has to take on the world... still no one stepped up.

Afterward, a friend came up and said, "You know L, I know you try to take on everything by yourself because you feel like you have to. And I'm the same way. But if you ever need anything, you just let me know and I'll do it. All you have to do is ask."

Can I just say that last night I was too tired to be pissed, but today I'm thinking it ticks me off a little. Really? You're the same way? If you were wouldn't you have felt the need to step up when NO ONE ELSE WOULD?

I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm an idiot. Plan and simple. An idiot. A fool. But if no one else does it, who will? Who will do it.

So here I sit overwhelmed. And yeah, I'm going to delegate. I'm gonna. But it sucks. Because there's a bigger issue at hand here and no one gets it.

I need to pray for a better attitude today.

I need a red ribbon. I need a better attitude. We need better hearts. Willing hearts. And we need grace.

We need grace.

Uh... me Jane?

He is amazing. Amazing... that's all there is too it. And it only keeps getting better. We're becoming better and better friends. At times I wonder how it is that it could be this good. It's flabbergasting.

What in the world? It's like what Beef and Writer were saying with the Far Side cartoon. I sit and listen to him and I'm astounded. He is so intelligent. And so funny. He cracks me up! He must think I'm crazy for laughing so hard... but I can't help it!

And I love to listen to him... I could listen to him for days on end. It's not just logic... it's from his heart. Wow. Wow... I can't even begin to describe it.

And when I need to be called to the carpet he does it with such grace. No condemnation or condescension. How does a man do that?

Does he have flaws? Sure he does. Do I? Oh yes. But I'm having fun learning what they are and whether or not I want to deal with them or not... yeah, I sure did say having fun.

It's just astounding. It is. All of it.

And I know this made no sense to anyone... but that doesn't matter. I just needed to empty my head so I can actually work instead of sit here in amazement, staring off into space.

He is a good man. A Godly man.

I'm glad he's my friend.

Doin' Life

So last night I was supposed to have dinner at this really cool place in Plano with some friends. Really, I only wanted to see two of the people that were supposed to be there, but no matter. It was a belated birthday party. I got to work... everyone had decided to bail. We've had this planned for two weeks!!! Oh, well. I get home (work was an absolute nightmare) and my good friend M called and to make a long story short we decided I'd go to his place and have dinner and watch a movie to celebrate my birthday... cause I still haven't really celebrated. Well, I'm on my way to his place (which takes an hour to get to) and he calls me to say that his bro in B/CS who is having a tough time right now called and suggested we come to see him for the weekend. He just needed some company. Fine with me! I love B/CS. These are good guys... haven't known them too long but know by their hearts and actions to know them well enough to know that their are excellent men of stature and moral character. They are men of God.

So, I turned around, went home to pack a few things. M showed up, we picked up some grub from Wendy's and set out to B/CS at around 10:00 pm. We talked the entire way down. It was so cool. This may seem like a strange statement but after the week I had I just really had a longing to sit and talk with M. And I had been praying for the opportunity to do so. Just to talk. Boy did we ever get the opportunity. And it was awesome. God has a funny way of bringing things about though doesn't He? He cracks me up...

We arrived at his bro, Seth's house and got the grand tour and met all the roommates (who are all characters!) Rocky, being the gentleman he is, let me sleep in his room which very luckily has an adjoining bathroom. :) Good thing cause I wasn't so sure about M seeing me with no make-up yet. HA! We went to bed at around 3 am and got up at around 9. I didn't sleep well at all. Too much on my mind. Exciting things though. Not like the rest of the week.

This morning Clint, Sean and I went to Kroger to pick up some pancake mix, milk, orange juice, bananas (for Clint's special "Nana pancakes"), sausage, and syrup. On the way there we had an excellent discussion about what church is and who is the church and whatnot. I was shocked at these boy's (I say boys, but they're 22 year old men) maturity. Clint was raised C of C but doesn't attend one anymore. Won't go into the story. But he believes in the necessity of baptism. He has such an understanding of the scripture. The three of us had the most amazing discussion about labels of "Baptist" and "church of Christ" and "non-denominational." It was so enriching. And very encouraging because it made me feel better about where the Church is headed.

I made pancakes for the crew of six. Rocky helped with the sausage. We all sat around the table and grubbed. It was awesome. Seth said the prayer and it was a good prayer... I cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom when we were finished eating. M helped with the dishes.

Clint told me this morning that they weren't going to let me go home. That's fine by me. Fine by me. I told Clint I'm going to adopt him. We just need to get the papers signed... ;)

Took a nap on the couch while the guys watched football. Am blogging now. My heart is full. We're just doin' life this weekend. Just doin' life... and I'm lovin' it. Every minute... every second just soakin' it in.

Queens of Crunk

Last night I coached my first volleyball practice with my friend Leslie. We're coaching for a subsidized private school... interesting, huh? I met at her place uptown and we followed her friend Rob to the school. The catholic school is located in west Dallas in one of the worst parts of town. On the way there we saw a guy getting arrested. "Good deal... good deal," I was thinking.

The school has a 10 foot tall fence running all the way around it with razor wire at the top. We pulled in, parked the cars and walked into the gym. It's new, thanks to a private donation by someone (can't remember who Rob said). It's a co-ed team but only one of the guys showed up last night. Middle school aged. 12 kids showed. Leslie and I split the kids up (being that we only had two balls) and started off by practicing bumping to one another. My group of six got in a circle. I of course, attracted all the girls that we more or less considered the "bad girls." Hand fulls to say the least. Let me just tell you that I loved every minute of it and I think they were surprised.

To motivate them to have control over the direction of the ball (which Anna didn't seem to care about in the beginning... she was more concerned with doing the opposite of what I told her to and gauging my reaction) I made a game out of it. Smile on my face the whole time. Oh the joy.

"O.k. here's what we're going to do. You can bump or spike the ball. You have to call it before you hit it. If you call it and miss that's fine, but if you don't call it and hit it you have to drop and do three push-ups. *insert grin* If no one calls the ball and no one goes for it we ALL have to do three push-ups. Everyone understand the rules?" They all nodded in agreement and laughed.

It was on. Everyone was calling the balls and running to get them. It was awesome. All of the sudden these girls who had no motivation, had motivation. When I didn't call it, I dropped for three. I think they were surprised that I applied the rules to myself. We had so much fun. We all encouraged one another and had a blast. After we did that awhile we practiced our serves, which they all did great on. I was impressed. We took a break between bumping practice and serving and I asked the girls to circle up, since we'd worked pretty hard and they needed a short break and we had no water (will explain in a minute). "So, I want each of you to tell me the best thing that happened to you today." They all kind of looked at each other... and then went around the circle. It rocked. Maria had enchiladas made by her mom and grandmother... homemade! I told her I was jealous! Monica Marie said that she got to talk to her little sister who lives in Garland... they all had great things to say. And I shared mine with them as well.

The gym, I found out, has no water fountain. So, I guess I'll be investing in an Igloo and be bringing water to practice every week from now on because most of these poor girls don't have parents sensible enough to send any water with them. While a few of the girls ran to the restroom Princess said that the day before, right across the street from the school a man had set his girlfriend on fire. She took off her shirt and started to run off. A man came to help her out and was stabbed repeatedly by the boyfriend. "You know, it's sad because it's not the old people, it's the young people who are being bad. But that's just the way it is in West Dallas," Princess said casually.

Leslie and I talked to Rob after practice and he filled us in on some of the girls history. Monica Marie's (she was in my group) whole family has abandoned her. Her mother is a drug addict and no one knows where she is. Her father is in the area and drops by when it is convenient for him to say hello. She lives with a distant relative... but they're not that close. I noticed that when we were practicing she seemed to distance herself from me. She wanted to laugh... but she didn't. That would involve emotional attachment. However, some of the parents of the kids are doctors and work at the clinics downtown and really want their kids to go to a catholic school. It's an interesting mix of kids. But I love them all. Rob made sure to tell Leslie and I never to walk to our cars by ourselves. And NEVER to speak to anyone. He assured us we were safe, but to be careful.

I stood their in that group of girls last night and my heart was full. I love working with kids like that. When I say "like that" I mean the ones who are grateful to have a hug from anyone they can get it from... the ones that everyday is struggle just to drag themselves out of bed because they're not sure if it's worth living or not because not one person in their life has told them they're worth it. The kids who need Christ in their life so bad. It makes my heart ache and swell simultaneously.

We have two games tomorrow. I'm so stoked!

Oh, the title of this post comes from Anna. She is probably the toughest of the group and Rob told me she probably won't get to play after the first game due to eligibility. Hopefully, though, she'll see it's worth it and decided to keep her grades up so she'll be able to stick it out. Anyway, she wants to name the team "Queens of Crunk." But I found out that since it's a school team we have to stick with the mascot, the Eagles. I'll have to tell her it can be our nickname. :)

"I Like Big Bibles"

O.k., so I'd heard of this before, but never heard it until today. It's hilarious... it's so stupid it's almost not funny.

So here are some of my favorite lines from the song:

"ain't talkin' bout paraphrase cause Paul wouldn't use those anyway"

"and I read it with some holy kissin"

"but that book you got makes me so holy"

"you can have those bimbos - I keep those chics that do devos"

and my all time favorite:
"39 + 27 = 66, and if you're Catholic, there's even more" (talking about the # of books in the bible of course)

compfused.com/directlink/615

Farting Preacher

Crap... this is the FUNNIEST thing I've seen in awhile. Please, watch at your own risk. I laugh 'til I wheeze. Oh, and make sure you have you're speakers on. :)

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/index.php?e=fp4.wmv

I am exhausted with perpetual disappointment in the people I am surrounded by.

Meet You on the Mountain...

The most beautiful picture of a Godly relationship is captured within Song of Solomon. I didn't think so until I watched a series by Tommy Nelson. It has taken on a whole new meaning. Lots of things have.

I was thinking about leaving my parents at the airport on Monday. It sucked. It was terrible. I had this longing to be small enough to be picked up in my Dad's arms and carried home again. I wanted my Mom to cradle me and tell me everything was going to be o.k. I wanted to be held like a little child and sung to. I longed to be a child again. I longed for the innocence of youth. When walking up the stairs to security I wanted to cry out... not that it would have done any good... but I wanted to. I wanted to go home and stay there for a very long time.

I am thankful that I have parents who have demonstrated what a Godly relationship ought to be. Not that they are in any way perfect... but I tell you what: my Dad loves my Mom; no doubts about that. And my Mom loves my Dad. And it's evident in all that they do.

Maybe one day Tirzah, the dove, the Lilly of the Valley, will emerge from the clefts of the rock and her Solomon will be standing there, open arms beckoning her, flaws and all. And she will go to him, she will go to him, unafraid and unabashed. She will go to him, out of the darkness and into the light of his love. They will meet each other on the mountainside. And it will be so beautiful, it will be so touching and so magnificent that it will take their breath away.

Lover
14 My dove in the clefts of the rock,
in the hiding places on the mountainside,
show me your face,
let me hear your voice;
for your voice is sweet,
and your face is lovely.
15 Catch for us the foxes,
the little foxes
that ruin the vineyards,
our vineyards that are in bloom.

Beloved
16 My lover is mine and I am his;
he browses among the lilies.
17 Until the day breaks
and the shadows flee,
turn, my lover,
and be like a gazelle
or like a young stag
on the rugged hills.

Running on Empty

I lied. I told several people that the wedding wasn't hard. But I lied. It was. Actually, it wasn't the wedding itself so much as it was them. They way he looked at her. They way she beamed. BEAMED. Them. They. The fact that they are creating a oneness now. One. Togetherness. Togetherness that I should be and have and create. And I'm not. Now everyone just stop right here and hold your horses. I am in no way jealous. I am SO happy for them I can't even tell you!!! They are magnificant together and I am so happy C has found a Godly man who adores her... adores her. It's just that I feel like a complete and utter failure.

Failure. Yup. Unwanted when someone else is so desired by another. I have no explanation as to why I wasn't. And I will never have an explanation. Never. My grandmother would tell you that it's because he didn't love me. After all, if you love a person why in God's name would you treat them that way? But every time she says, "he didn't love you" it's like tearing open the scar. I can't explain why. I guess because I thought he did.

And people came up to my parents all weekend and made comments like, "This must be really hard for your daughter." And Carla sat me down after the wedding, who knows why, (maybe God put it on her heart... maybe she knew I needed to hear it) and said to me: "You don't let anyone steal the joy God has given you. You don't let anyone look down on you. I'm so proud of you. Your parents are proud of you. And sometimes God takes us through things so we're able to minister to others. And sometimes we don't know why. But we do know this, He knew you were strong enough to handle it or He wouldn't have given it to you." Among a million other things. And we cried together. I think I cried all weekend. And Crystal told me things she's never told me before. And we encouraged one another.

But I just want to scream... I TRIED! I gave it my all! What else was there to do? And now I am branded... now I am BRANDED for the rest of my life with this stupid label because of a decision made on someone else's part. Am I supposed to be held accountable for that? So now every guy I date will question me. Every one. Every one of them.

Scarlet letter. And Jack Joy asked my Dad if there was "some level of embarassment." Ya think? You think being 24 and divorced carries a level of embarassement? Yeah. I haven't asked it before today but I'm asking now, I'm sinking to that level: GOD, WHY ME?

It doesn't matter if you empty yourself on the alter for people everyday for the rest of your life. It doesn't matter. Because ultimately you're screwed anyway.

And so today I'm very distracted. Very...

So what is Your will LORD? Because I ask and I haven't yet received an answer? And all I've ever wanted to do was Your will... and yeah, You know I'm not perfect... I can't survice without Your Grace... but could You help me out here??????? Please? How long does a person have to beg? How long?

I knew where I was going. I had a plan, which I thought was Yours. I knew what my calling was. And yet, here I sit... unfulfilled in my job and completely confused and a disspointment to the world. A dissapointment to You.

And as I walked down the aisle Saturday, I know what people were thinking... "You know what happened to her..." as they shook their heads.

So I'm crying out today and I've BEEN CRYING OUT!!! So for just one day... just one day, God, keep Him away... can we just keep Satan away? Can we just forget it ever happened? I guess you don't even remember what I'm talking about ... BUT I DO! Why didn't you give us the ability to forget as you do? I HATE this ever happened... I HATE IT.

Out for a bit...

I'm GOING HOME!!!!!!!!! WOOO WHOOOOOO!!!!! I'll be home for my birthday and to be in a dear friend's wedding. Good stuff.

Needless to say, I won't be blogging for a few days. So peace out!

There's no place like home.