Thursday, May 19, 2005

No Beach-Napping Virgin

So, I haven't blogged in awhile... maybe that's my problem. In fact, I'm sure that it is. How can a person be wholly satisfied with with their life, their job, their place in the universe if they have not been blogging? :)

The past few weeks have been interesting. I went to Galveston to see some college buddies and mostly enjoyed the weekend. Didn't get to talk to any of them like I wanted to... I was the fifth wheel so that inhibited any quality time with my best friend. A little frustrating since I had important things to speak with her about. I am happy for her though because she is happy and he is a good man.

While in Galveston, I walked the beach by myself. It was amazing. I've been to St. Martin and seen the beauty of the beaches and water their so Galveston is not that impressive, but no matter what part of the ocean you're at you can't help respect the awe and majesty of the waves. Their power. Wow. Puts you in your place. I swam out respectably far and enjoyed the feeling of the current of one wave pulling back from the shore as another came riding in. Awesome.

I also took my first nap on the beach... that's right, I'm no longer a beach-napping virgin. I've heard people talk about taking naps on the beach, but wow! It was great. Before the weekend was over, I ended up taking two naps on the beach.

There's lots for the broken hearted to say about the ocean. It is telling... if only it was so easy to wipe a slate clean, as the waves do the impressions left from people on the sand, life would be easier. However, I'm afraid that we wouldn't learn much that way and we would end up perpetuating the same mistakes. Funny... many people do anyway, even with the knowledge of their previous follies. And, I must ask for your forgiveness now because I'm about to make a terribly cliche analogy, but the ocean is much like love in that it demands respect and commands so much power. It can be wholly enjoyable or completely miserable. And sometimes, you're so caught up in the waves that you can't tell the difference.

Being in Galveston was hard. I am still suffering the reprocussions. Tired of sifting through the same thoughts regarding the same situation... it was hard being there because We used to go there together. My friends did not understand... its impossible for them too. And the weekend was spent driving past places in south Houston that We used to frequent with his family. Its the first time I have been back since the "D."

And I long to be like the sand... so easily wiped clean of it's iniquities and impurities, it's scars. An empty slate with no recolection of the previous writings on the wall.

A Family Affair

O.k., so the lists seem to be popular. So, I've decided to continue the tradition as well, mooching off of Writer and Beef.

Things I Get To Do Rarely but Enjoy Much:
1. Play my cello
2. Sketch
3. Sing
4. Play basketball
5. Go to museums
6. Swim

Things I Can't Stand:
1. stupid people
2. confusing guys
3. math
4. idiot politicians
5. liberals
6. my current job
7. not talking to my parents
8. rude drivers
9. computers that won't work
10. confusing guys
11. money
12. money
13. money

Friday, May 06, 2005

I found it!

I found out Wednesday that I did not get into the graduate school of my choice. I was not one of "The 8." Needless to say, I was devastated. This is what I have been planning on for three years now, even though when I sit really still and wonder at why it is I'm wanting to go here and wanting to do this I can't tell you why. I though it was a calling. And, maybe in some rights it is and could be. I believe I could do a great many things and do them well. But today I had an epiphany.

My whole life I have been drawn to the arts. I love to create things. I love to draw and paint. I love to write. I love to look at artwork and admire and critique. Its fascinating. I love the sciences, I always have, my whole life... for as long as I can remember. The reason I love to read Ray Bradbury is because he writes with such great artistry and he paints such beautiful pictures in his fantastic scientific worlds. My best loved teachers have been my art and science teachers. The most influential teachers, one in-particular, Mrs. Labeth of Central Elementary, my grade school art teacher, has influenced my thinking throughout my school years.

While in college, I used to have to walk through the art building to get to my speech-path classes. EVERY DAY I would stop to see the displays of the students. EVERY DAY I walked by and asked myself why I wasn't minoring or double-majoring in art... even if just for the fun of it... because I enjoy it. On several occasions I picked up a degree plan, but when thinking of the extra time I would have to spend in school and all the extra money spent on the private school education... well, needless to say I dropped the idea completely. I also had a professor who insisted that we not minor in anything... that speech-path be our one and only priority. So it was. My senior year I looked into the field of medical illustration. All the schools I found online were in Georgia or Chicago or Boston and I had no desire to go there and my significant other at the time would not have gone there even if I had wanted to. I did figure out though that it was something I could do on the side with speech-path... and it was something I desired to do. But because the schools were not in reach, the dream seemed out of reach.

So, I applied to graduated/doctoral school in the field of audiology because to be quite frank, I don't want to practice speech-path. Its an amazing field. I have great respect for it and the amazing things that can be accomplished, but I don't have the desire anymore. I can't tell you why, but its been diminishing for quite some time now and I haven't been willing to admit it. When all that time and money have been invested, why change right? So, now I have a degree that I won't use! Hooray!

Today has been a day of many revelations. I found out that a school here in Dallas does in fact offer medical illustration as a graduate program and that its accredited at that! Its only a two year program. I can make good money doing it. I can combine the things I love: science and art and love every minute of it.

I know my parents and the whole world are going to think I've thrown a gasket, but I don't think with all the other coincidences this week... well, they're not coincidences. There is a higher power working.

So, two days ago (and really, for two years now) I felt lost and a little misguided. But now I feel a sense of renewed strength and purpose. And that my friends is priceless... even if your useless degree won't be paid off for awhile.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Just so ya'll know, most of the poetry I put on here was written a while back. So no worries about me running off to off myself. Just didn't want anyone to be concerned or disturbed (as most of you are probably both).

No worries. :)