Monday, December 11, 2006
WOW. Things are crazy as ususal. I hope to sit down and write ALOT over the holidays... we'll see if that happens or not. I love my kids at school. They are SOOOOOO awesome - it's the adults that are hard to deal with.
Speaking of kids, everyone and I mean EVERYONE has been asking us when we're going to have children... are you kidding!?!?! Mark's brother Toby even asked the other day.... good gravy people.
I love our new house and the dogs AND MOST especially - MY HUSBAND. He's fabulous. It's really kind of funny because I've never met anyone who makes me laugh like he does, who I feel myself around, who I can cry with, and who makes me SOOOOOO stinkin' mad. :0) It's great. I didn't know you could be so mad a someone and then make up and everything be o.k. (O.k., so I may be alittle strange, so sue me.)
I've posted some pics (because pictures really do say 1,000) words). We took our dynamic duo (i.e. the dogs) with us to my greatgrandmother's house at Thanksgiving. They stayed with us at the hotel in town. I had laryngitis for a week (I've NEVER had that before, it was so weird) and then got SICK as a dog off the medicine they gave me (NO MORE HYDROCODONE FOR ME). Anyhoo, we had a good road trip regardless and the dogs were great. They sat in their seatbelts like champs. Yes, we bought seat belts. I have visions of 50 pound dogs flying through us and the front wind shield in the event of a wreck... so seatbelts it was.
I seem to be struggling with a lot of stuff lately. Mostly churchy type things. I love doing children's worship with our church on Sunday... but other than that I just feel kind of pointless and unfamiliar. I know now why people don't convert easily. It's like being in another country - even when you do believe the same things.
Well, I love you guys (even though I'm terrible at keeping this up lately... I never seem to have much time for myself and when I do have time I crash.) Hope everything is going well for everyone. We're going to walk the dogs so I'll check everyone's blog later on...
Well, pics won't post so I'll try again later.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
1) Job is good. I'm taking classes to get my alternative certification AND teaching at the same time. Kinda crazy but it's cool.
2) We have a new dog. Yeah. He's really cute. Mark wanted a new dog as soon as we moved into the new house (which, we're here now). We found the pitt puppy at the Rowlett Animal Shelter and Mark named him Charlie. I'll have to post pics. Sydney is a little jealous - he has stolen her bed and is taking medicine because he's sick. I think she feels like she's not getting enough attention. I always thought that people who talked about their dogs like they were their kids were weird, but when it's all you have at home, I guess it makes sense in a weird, not-so-weird kind of way. Keeping these two out of trouble and both happy is a full-time job. At least we don't have to change their diapers. ;0)
3) Brando, Beef, Mark and I went to the State Fair of Texas the last weekend it was open. It was alot of fun. Mark and I played a few carnival games - which I had never done before. AND he won two stuffed animals for me. I felt like we were in a movie. It was alot of fun and I am still amazed at how wonderful marriage can be. And yes people, I know I don't deserve any of it.
4) Speaking of not deserving... I have been struggling lately with a lot of mental/emotional stuff - I guess that it would be considered baggage. I have vivid memories and conversations in my head that I thought were forgotten... when I remember these things it knocks the breath out of me and sends my head into a tornado of thoughts - most of them terrible.
5) The youth group at church is good. I am struggling somewhat with being a "pastor's wife" - whatever the heck that means. I wish I knew another minister's wife to talk to. I have considered talking to our preacher's wife, but we never seem to have the opportunity. I should just give it a try. I really struggle with some things... but I can't talk to anyone about them because it involves the church and they are the church! Crazy... yes, I'm a lunatic.
6) I have had several very meaningful blog entries floating around in my head. I have often wished that my brain could be a typewriter (just because I like the stamping noise) when I need it to be, my thoughts would dictate and my brain would record. Ah... how nice it would be. I might have several novels of stuff... that would be fun to piece together and sell.
7) I don't know that I do anything for myself. I haven't played my cello in ages, I don't sing at church really anymore (cause it's always in WAY too high of a key and I am still learning all the words to the songs anyway), I don't play basketball.... what do I do for me? I have 11 unfinished books started and have no desire to read any of them because they are all spiritual or self-help type books. They drive me crazy. I always think I'll start one and like it and it's only inevitable that I start one and never finish.
8) Three of my dearest friends from college are pregnant. Wow. My best friend, Bekah, is getting married November 18. Things are good in all of our lives and I am greatful. All the talk about baby stuff scares me though. I know I'm going to have terrible problems and I found out a good friend from high school got pregnant and when she and her husband went for their first sonogram there was no heartbeat. When I received the email from my mom, my stomach lurched and dropped. That's terrible and it makes me very afraid.
9) Well, I'm out for now. I've been getting to bed by around 9:30 pm most nights and looking at the time now, it's past my bedtime.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Here's my FIRST classroom! There's been some changes since these pictures from the first week of school - but this is the gist of it anyway.
My door has 3-D foam letters (which everyone keeps telling me won't last the year) but the special education helping teacher for the district LOVED them!!! Wooo whooo! I think they're great - they make me happy!
I love my huge multi-colored alphabet and my blue chalk boards and my Fossil clock (it's on my desk and multicolored as well.)
AND... the flowers on the desk (look real close) are from my fabulous husband who sent me flowers on the first day of school! How thoughtful is that!?!? He's WONDERFUL. ;) The best husband in the WORLD!!!!
Soooooooooooooooooo... we have a closing date on a house. WOW. We're going to OWN a house! Holy cow. We decided to go ahead and buy a house since we're going to be here for at least five years... so here we are and here's our BRAND NEW house! (I've never lived in a never-lived-in house before... this should be an adventure.)
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
There's alot going on. New, new, new, new, new stuff with my awesome new school job... it's just alot to take in at once. I'm grappling as best I can. I'm sure next semester will be much smoother sailing, but it's a learning process you know. I'm enjoying it. I think my brain is in shock since it hasn't had to work this hard in a year and a half (I can't count the time I studied for the GRE... math always hurst my brain.)
I know why that lady in Colorado (or wherever it was) killed her husband who was the pastor of a church. It makes perfect since to me (yeah, that's sounds weird but I bet that if you ask any preacher's wife or youth minister's wife they would agree). Similarly related, one of my best girl friends works for a huge church. They have an ENORMOUS children's ministry program. She gets bad looks and talks in the boss' office when she leaves at 5:30 pm on some days. They only have one day off a week due to Saturday night church. Her boss told her that she was making excuses and slacking off. Most of the time (and this is pretty much every day with the exception of three days a month) the staff is up at the building until 9 or 10 pm. That's ridiculous. Have you people missed the point entirely? Sheesh...
My brain is so full now, I have to dump excess. I have about 20 running lists in my head and I can't seem to get any but a part of each of them written down on scraps of paper here and there. When I need to add to the list or change I can't seem to find the scrap of paper. It's really irritating and highly frustrating. And if I have another training in the next month I think I'll go nuts. I have already had to call two subs due to days I had to be at training. I have several videos to watch (to make up for the time I missed during new teacher orientation cause I wasn't hired yet) and a TON of paperwork to get to HR. It seems that every second of every day there is a deadline. I'm so tired when I come home - just from the newness of it all. My mom must feel this overwhelmed all the time - working two full time jobs and all.
It sucks to come home and have to do laundry and cook dinner and then do the dishes so the tiny kitchen won't smell in the morning or have bugs crawling everywhere. M is a help, but it is still overwhelming.
When we went to Artesia a few weekends ago my family had an early birthday party for me. It was the best ever! We had punch and everything!!! It was just us and that was especially cool. We're supposed to go to H-town this weekend to see Mark's parents (even though we've seen them countless times this summer) to celebrate my birthday and my father-in-laws. Mine is the day before his. Anyhoo - I love my family but I don't want to go. If it was just going to be us that would be fine, but it's not. Another family (and one who acted like a fool at our wedding and lost his temper) will be there also. Apparently, they've taken family vacations together for years and whatnot. So really, it has nothing to do with my birthday that we're going down there, it's just an excuse for the other family to make the five hour drive, even though we hardly know each other (me and them that is.) Really, this has nothing to do with my wonderful in-laws - it has to do with othe crap but anyhoo. I'm entitled to feel how I feel so there.
So I have a myspace. Ok, I set one up before I really knew what it was and I haven't checked it in a month (it usually goes for longer than that) but I thought it would be cool to invite the kids from the youth group to be my "friend." The idea came into my head when one of the kids asked for my myspace so they could add me as a friend (I felt so honored that they would even consider it!). Needless to say, only the one who asked for my myspace accepted me as a friend. Even the girls that I am getting to know (or thought I was) didn't accept me! I feel like it's high school all over again. Being rejected on myspace sucks. So, I'm going to delete it.
Well, it's about time for me to head to the iglesia. Peace out.
Monday, August 14, 2006
And I'm stoked about school. Have much to do before the end of the week... my classroom is barren so that's a HUGE priority. I'll post more details and pics of my room at the end of the week. Y'all are awesome for keeping me in your prayers. God is good (he can't help it, right?) and I'm glad I'm in the place he wants me to be!!!
Monday, August 07, 2006
The job thing is being worked out today. PLEASE pray I'll get it. They really want to hire me but there are some complications with the cert. program and whatnot - stuff we didn't find out til last Wednesday. Holy cow - it's been a roller coaster.
I really appreicate all your hope and prayers - keep it up. Hopefully by the end of the day I'll have a job!!! A REAL paying job!!!! A good one with great kids!!!!! BTW, it's a Resource teaching position at an elementary school (the kids who come to your room throughout the day for extra help with their subjects... it sounds SOOOOOO cool). I love the people there - they seem so great. We'll let God do his thing and see what happens...
In the meantime, I love you guys. Thanks for all your encouragement and support. Sorry I've only been popping in and out - but things are CRAZY right now. Will give details later.
Talk to you soon...
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
"I want to paint my face
And pretend that I am someone else
Sometimes I get so fed up I don't even want to look at myself
But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I hate the way you look at me
I have to say I wish I could start over
I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
You might think it's easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty
Sometimes I find myself shaking
In the middle of the night
And then it hits me and I can't
Even believe this is my life
But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I wish that everyone would go and shut their mouths
I'm not strong enough to deal with it"
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Our kids are working so hard to raise money (we had a student auction, they are cleaning up the church's land and they have all taken odd jobs to pay their way)... and the pennies do add up but we're far from the goal of what we need. So here's what I'm proposing: if any of you in this fabulous little blogosphere would like to tell your church about this opportunity or if you yoursevles would like to help a kid from Crossroads Church in Rowlett, Texas go to camp here's what you do...
1. Send a check (not cash obviously) to the following address: ATTN: Crossroads Youth C/O Mark Williams, 3984 Rowlett Rd. Apt. 132, Rowlett, TX 75088.
2. Make the check out to: "Crossroads Church" and in the memo write "youth camp."
3. If you have ANY questions about anything at all (our church, the kids, etc.), please email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
A little info about some of the kids you would be helping*:
B - a middle school girl who LOVES horses... she is very sweet and can be outgoing when in her comfort zone. She loves to read and is working on writing several stories right now. She has never been to any camp before - church or secular, so she's really hoping to get the opportunity this year.
N - older brother to the previous mentioned "B," he plays guitar for our praise time with the youth on Wednesday nights. He is a super sweetheart - his heart is so big. He really cares for people on all levels.
D -also brother of "B" and "N," and he plays guitar as well on Wednesdays (he looks like Angus Young when he plays... it's really cool!) He can be really shy (I'm still getting to know him) but his eyes smile when his mouth does and he has a super cool head of crazy reddish-blonde hair. All the girls think it's "so hot." :)
BT - a high school girl who is so keen to what people's needs are. Her family hasn't been at the church long and so she is still trying to "get into the group" and make some friends. I think going to camp would be so good for her and the other girls - they would have a real chance to create some strong bonds. She is the oldest of four sisters... her younger sister E wants to go to camp as well.
*I don't want to write out their names and post them on the internet due to the fact that I don't have their parent's permission, so I'll use initials instead.
**No one knows I'm doing this, not even my husband and the reason I tell you all that is because I don't want anyone to think this is a cop-out for the kids because that's not it at all. Mark and I help where we can but that's not always enough, so this was the next best idea in mind. Our church has all of about 60 or 70 members and we've exhausted all resources there.
Friday, June 30, 2006
The wonders of technology.
It was like old times again. We used to dig up change in the Honda Civic-Wagovan I drove in high school. Good old Bryan High. Those were the days...
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
It occurred to me yesterday evening that Gollum’s fatal mistake was seclusion. He let the guilt of his sin take over his life to the point that it warped who he saw himself as. He let it transform him into something he was never intended to be. What do I do when I am overwhelmed? Stressed out? Hurt? I seclude myself – emotionally, mentally and even spiritually.
You have to feel like you’ve done something valiant at the end of the day – you didn’t slay a physical Orch or defeat an evil wizard in the flesh – but you did slay something. You were triumphant. Instead of giving into your carnal desires, instead of succumbing to your anger, malice or self-pity, instead of doing what was easiest – you chose to do different. That is a worthy battle. That is a worthy cause whether we realize it or not.
When I look back over the last three weeks, I realize that I have believed too many lies in my life and they have in turn affected others – one in particular.
I don’t know why I’m so easily hurt by things… I find it easy to trust people in the beginning stages of a relationship and harder once I’m in the thick of a relationship (this goes with any and all relationships).
I don’t know what all this means except there are people in my life who I don’t want to resemble and people in my life that I do and lately I feel I have done a poor job at both. I am also overcome with grief in thinking about “lost” relationships. When moving to Dallas it seemed to take forever to get to know anyone and now I am in the same boat again. Maybe I trust people too fast and then get hurt and draw myself back to the point of terrible damage.
I feel like most feelings and reactions I have contradict one another due to my life’s previous circumstances. It is hard to talk to someone about things you’re just discovering – or maybe rediscovering. There aren’t many words, just emotions roiling about.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
I find myself thinking of things like this periodically. They make my heart sing and cry all at the same time. I don't know when I'll be able to drink a limeade from Braums again. My bro and I would bring her Frosty's from Wendy's and limeades from Braums. I used to lay in her hospital bed with her. Our last great fling together she asked me if I wanted to climb into the hospital bed with her. Well, being that we were at the hospital's hospital bed and not the hospital bed at the house we opted that it would be wise for me to stay in my uncomfortable chair. We really would have had that place in a mess! I cried when I hugged her neck before I left that day. I think part of me realized it was probably the last time - and from her reaction I think she thought so as well.
I think part of my melancholy mood lately can be attributed to the fact that one of my best friends isn't here to share the joys (as well as pains) of life. However, I know she is in a much better place... feeling much better. No tears there, no pain or sorrow. Only pure joy. I will not revel in my selfishness. But man, days like today I just miss the heck out of her.
In My Place In my place, in my place,Were lines that I couldn't change,I was lost, oh yeah.
I was lost, I was lost,Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed,I was lost, oh yeah.
And yeah, how long must you wait for it?Yeah, how long must you pay for it?Yeah, how long must you wait for it?
I was scared, I was scared,Tired and under prepared,But I wait for it.
And if you go, if you go,Leave me down here on my own,Then I'll wait for you, yeah.
Yeah, how long must you wait for it?Yeah, how long must you pay for it?Yeah, how long must you wait for it?Oh for it
Sing it please, please, please,Come back and sing to me,To me, me.
Come on and sing it out, now, now.Come on and sing it outTo me, meCome back and sing.
In my place, in my place,Were lines that I couldn't change,I was lost, oh yeah.Oh yeah.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
1 I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart; before the "gods" I will sing your praise.
2 I will bow down toward your holy temple and will praise your name for your love and your faithfulness, for you have exalted above all things your name and your word.
3 When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted.
4 May all the kings of the earth praise you, O LORD, when they hear the words of your mouth.
5 May they sing of the ways of the LORD, for the glory of the LORD is great.
6 Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly, but the proud he knows from afar.
7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me.
8 The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever— do not abandon the works of your hands.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
It hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday that because of my innate sinful nature I can't help but be imperfect. I hate that. I hate it that I can't do anything to earn my salvation. I suppose this is Satan getting the best of me today.
I feel the need to run frantically to these people I feel I need to beg forgiveness from... why? I don't know. But it's killing me today. I know I'm not perfect. I know I made mistakes and continue to make idiotic mistakes. I know I don't deserve the blessing of my husband. Why do they have to be brought back up again and again and again??? I don't do that to people!
Why is it that others can say whatever they wish to me but the second I tell them how I feel I've done them some sort of injustice.
I'm going to take a blogging hiatus. I have alot to think about and this is not the outlet for these sorts of thoughts.
Check y'all later.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Grover has always been my favorite sesame Street character. He's the sweetest goober I know (ok, with the exception of Mark). Anywho, looking at Grover makes me happy. I know Scott had that plush of Kermit... I need a plush of Grover. That's a worthy investment.
When thinking about Grover I can't help but think about my Uncle Tim. He used to red us "the Grover book" as we called it, when we would stay at our grandparent's house in Amarillo. He could sound just like Grover. What amazing talent! *wink*
Tim's physical body gave way four years ago this summer due to a disease he struggled with since his birth (but you'd never know it cause he never complained). I know he is exceptionally happy where he is and I wouldn't wish him anything else. I do, however, miss him tremendously. The whole family is going to be in Arizona... everyone except Tim. I just thougth about it a few minutes ago.
So here's a pic of my all-time favorite muppet (serious, if i find Grover shirts, I buy them cause they're a rarity). May his glottal fried, unkempt furry-blue self make your day as well.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
I took the products home. Have used them for a week. I get an email yesterday from the said prospect and she asked me when she could pick up the set. Let me say that I was more than a little shocked. She didn't tell me last week she was going to pick it up! Why now? I've USED it. The more I think about it, the more it grosses me out. How many other women has she given that to for the purposes of "trying." Typically when someone gives you something to try they give you samples. Since she didn't, I thought it was a sort of gift or something. She brought several things that day and she never mentioned picking it up again.
UH. Seriously, how many other people have stuck their fingers into that pot of night cream... SICK. It makes me SICK to think about. Mark says I should tell her I thought it was to keep and that it grosses me out that who knows how many other people she's given it to try.
What do you guys think about all this?
Friday, May 19, 2006
WHEN: Sunday, May 21 at 6PM
WHERE: Miguelito's Mexican Restaurant (817) 268-0404209 W Bedford Euless Rd Hurst, TX 76053
PLEASE RSVP TO Discombobulated (817-301-7282) BY SATURDAY (May 20) AFTERNOON SO she CAN MAKE RESERVATIONS.
Ya'll have fun!
Monday, May 08, 2006
I am the stupidist person I know. Apparently I choose to wear a sign that says:
"Hi. My name is doormat. Please feel free to walk all over me when you feel the need. Thank you."
Thursday, May 04, 2006
I decided to make a casserole my Mom made for us growing up. It was a favorite then and continues to be a favorite now. I figured it would be simple enough, but most enjoyable. The perfect first luncheon together. I stood in the kitchen for an hour or so, preparing all the ingredients for the casserole and then combining them to create what would I was hoping to be the best meal either of us had ever had. Placed the pan in the oven... waited 'til it bubbled.... and voila! Perfection.
We didn't have much of a dining room. Our kitchen table and four chairs were placed behind the love-seat, close to the wall so as to whisper the idea that it was another room. I placed the pot holders down, delicately placed the casserole, corn and tortilla chips on the table. This would be the first time to use our new plates! I set them out along with our new flatware. This was sure to be a success!
"Lunch is ready."
"O.k. Be there in a minute."
That minute turned into several hours. I can't remember when it was that I decided to eat, but I did. I was determined to enjoy the meal even if he wasn't sitting at the table. But the fact that he wasn't sitting at the table filled me with unspeakable sorrow. Was the computer game that important? It's homecooked food. He's a man. What's his problem? Eventually I cleaned up the table and went to the bedroom to take a nap. I don't think he ate any until later that evening.
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight..."
There it is. That's the past week summed up. Sometimes I think I'm manic depressive... and then sometimes not.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
What's Your IQ?
Congratulations, Ram!Your IQ score is 111
This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others. Your Intellectual Type is Word Warrior. This means you have exceptional verbal skills. You can easily make sense of complex issues and take an unusually creative approach to solving problems. Your strengths also make you a visionary. Even without trying you're able to come up with lots of new and creative ideas. And that's just a small part of what we know about you from your test results.
*note, not sure how great thsi really is... it's probably not. I pretty much skipped most of the math questions. I did answer a few. Anyhoo, off to do some research on IQs.
Monday, May 01, 2006
* That I'll never get into grad school.
* That I'll have to take the GRE again... oh it makes me ill to think about.
* That no matter what I'm doing I feel people see me as being a "drag," a no-fun party pooper.
* That the pretty sun star Mark and I bought at Easter (sitting on the kitchen bar) will wither and die.
* That if I do get into grad school I'll never see Mark he'll runaway with someone else (and I would die of hearthache... I think I really would).
* That I'm going to get caught being unproductive.
* That I'll have to take the GRE again.
* That Sidney will forget who I am.
* That I'll never catch up on sleep.
* That I'll be stuck at this lame job for the rest of my life... oh the horror.
* That God sees me as being one who runs... one who is appreciative but one lacking in faith. One that doesn't pray or read His Word enough. One who is luke warm.
Friday, April 28, 2006
We drove up to the apartment after dinner and parked the car.
Upon getting out of the car, he pauses to say:
"Hold on a second, we have to give you a proper entrance."
So my husband (unabashed as he is) proceeds to "give me proper entrance."
"Excuse me, could I have eveyone's attention... hey everybody, if you'll please look this way... the hottie is here."
He carried on like that until we got in the house (which proved challenging since I was running for the door and HE had the keys.)
Good grief. Now I have a reputation to keep up... ;)
Thursday, April 27, 2006
The chicken was boiling, the sauce heating up nicely... it was all coming together great. (It was exceptional actually, being that I have a brand new stove since the last one caught fire on Easter... That's for another post.)
Out of no where there's a knock on the door. I wasn't expecting anyone and Mark wouldn't knock, so I was a little hesitant due to my attire. I came home, through on some jeans and taken off my poncho leaving me with a really tight spaghetti strap undershirt. I would never go out into public with just this on. I was debating on whether to answer the door, but then again it could be the plumber to fix the leaking bathtub (that has now produced a busted water bubble in the ceiling downstairs).
I decided to answer the door.
There's a boy in a red jersey standing there.
"Is Chase here?"
"Nope, sorry. I think you have the wrong apartment."
Back to the kitchen to tend to the casserole, thinking about that kid. When I was his age I thought 25 year olds were so much older and cooler than me. I wondered what this kid thought, how this kid perceived me. My thought process was rudely interrupted by a another knock at the door. This time there's two boys.
The older of the two asks:
"Did a boy in a red shirt come by here?"
"Which way did he go?"
"That way." I said, pointing to my left (the kid's right.)
So about five minutes later I realized the clock on the microwave is 45 minutes behind... Luckily I managed to get to church and only be 15 minutes late.
On my way out the door to the car, the two boys (united at last) were playing across the driveway and down a little ways.
Red Jersey: "Hey, I found him!" he yells.
"Ok. Great!" I holler back.
Red Jersey walks behind a car, I can't see him anymore... and then I hear:
I saved my laugh for the drive to the building. I didn't respond to him cause I wasn't sure what to say. What would you say? Thanks? It cracked me up. Guess I know what the kid thinks of me now... kinda weird actually.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Ok folks, it's finally happening - that's right - I'm talking about the apocalypse. May 21st, to be exact. If any of you faithful readers (HA!) in this little blogosphere would like to meet Frustrated, PreacherBoy, Discom, Beef (wish you could be here Killjoy) myself and others... then the time is now. PreacherBoy is strolling through Texas and we've decided to meet up. (I can't believe I'm turning into one of those people who actually meets the people they talk to on the internet!)
Get that? May 21st, 6:oopm.
If you want more info - email me.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Sometimes you need to do something drastic - like chop off 7 inches of hair!
Sometimes you just need to cry... like last night (we BOTH cried) when we were tired, upset about the church we're at (you find out alot about things in a "leader meeting"), and completely overwhelmed with the thought of money and the months ahead.
I love my husband. He is sooooooooooooooo fabulous.
I got to work at 7:15 am this morning cause I took Mark to the bus barn, then came straight here. We don't have the cash for gas this week so we're going to work together. I'm picking him up at 4:30. This works out great cause now our schedules will be the same, we'll get to see each other more and we save money on gas!! How much greater can life get???
I miss Sydney, but we're working on the remedy for that.
My boss promises alot. She breaks alot of promises too.
I'm now officially a part-time sales rep. I have the opportunity to make more money and that's a blessing.
I've decided to go to grad school. Yeah. Crazy, but I'm making no money and I'm tired of the mindless monotony that is my work.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Keep thoughts high in the sky
You’re like a big kite
That’s flying from people
Who wanna keep you down,
Down in the crowds
Where they’re always breakin’ out
Watch out for piranhas
There’s always piranhas
Watch out for piranhas
Ready or not
Like it or not
Here they come again
It’s a shame
But you are just laughing
People want to keep you in the dark
You’re always a mess
But you’re always a step ahead of the crowd
Watch out for piranhas
There’s always piranhas
Watch out for piranhas
So many times I have been late
While feeling the breeze
Tons of hopeless thoughts in me
Now I’m free...And now I’m free!
Watch out for piranhas
You can be what you want
It’s a matter of time
Prepare to be amazed
You flash the clover leaf cheer
It’s a game
There’s always so many piranhas
Watch out for piranhas
There’s always piranhas
Watch out for piranhas
* by Tripping Daisy
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Didn't leave work until 6:00 pm. Took the Dallas Tollway, to I635 E, to 30 (towards Texarkana) and exited appropriately. Took an hour (with minimal traffic.) Either we pay over $200 a month in highway tolls or I drive (in the mornings) and hour and 45 minute commute. I was thinking on my way home (as traffic was better than expected) that if I had a CD with scripture to listen to in the mornings and a book on tape/CD in the afternoons (Bradbury books on tape... oh make me salivate) I would be set. I could handle that. But, there's no tape deck and yeah, you guessed it the Cavlier's CD player doesn't work. I can't drive (let me restate that, I'm not driving) the Jeep because it's too much in gas money every week. I haven't driven my Jeep since we've been married. I didn't even drive (coming or going) when we went to Houston last weekend. I am having withdrawals. Anyway, back to the story at hand. Turned on the radio... there was little good on but I thought it would be nice to roll the windows down (2/60 air conditioning baby) and jam out regardless of the crappy songs. One could roll the windows down if the windows would come back up. Actually, it's only the driver's side window which makes drive throughs enough to compel a person to a nervous break down. I almost rolled it down anyway, just cause I wanted to but decided against it because I didn't want to hear about it when I got home.
So, pull into my parking space at the apartment and walk into the house (my husband's ring tone sounding as I made my way through the door) at around 7:oo pm. Some of our company for the evening has already arrived. Great. So I go to making chili (haven't even changed out of my work clothes yet) and the rest of the crew comes in. The meeting commenced with me still in the kitchen (which is so conviently and unconviently connected to the living area). I don't know have of what happened and every time I made a suggestion, no one heard it and 2 minutes later someone would say THE EXACT thing I just finished saying and everyone would think it such a superior idea.
10:00 pm. I sit here blogging now. Tired. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too tired. Tired of people, tired of ideas for a youth rally weekend, tired of Young Life. Tired. Just plain tired. When I get really tired I have figured out that I do one of two things: get quiet and pensive (oh, make that one of three things... I just thought of another one), get quiet and irritated with EVERYTHING making me grumpy or I laugh at EVERYTHING or nothing except that which is in my own head. I'm suffering from all of these right now.
Changing subjects (but not really, cause I've been thinking about it consistently all day) our friends just got a new job. They are pregnant (honeymoon baby) and he really needed a better paying job, a job with better hours, one that would be consistent in everyway a job should be. He accepted one today. He sat in our living room tonight and talked about how it is a total shock to him... he can't believe it and he recognizes where it's from. I am happy for them, they were so excited. Standing in the kitchen, putting up the dirty dishes I decided I would be happy. Jealously started to creep in... I'm not even going to lie about it. However, I squelched that beast as quickly as was humanly possible.
I'm a little frustrated with a situation that I can't really talk about. I'm not going to here. I would like to but it would not be appropriate. It's just that sometimes I feel all I do is give, give, give to people (very special people) and I get nothing. There are times I know I should stand up for myself, but at what cost? Is it worth the cost? I'm just tired.
And THIS is completely another thought, one that stems purely from selfishness: sometimes it's extremely hard to know that you can never be another person's "everything" because you know that God is the only one who can be anyone's "everything." That hurts, I don't know why, but it does and there were a few minutes this weekend when I was so upset about it that I was nearly beside myself. I know, I know, it's ridiculous. Funny thing is that I have never felt this way until about a week ago. I'm sure Satan is merely trying to drive a wedge, create chaos when there should be none.
I'm tired of the chaos. Can I have some peace? And if I don't have peace is that because of my selfishness? Is that because ultimately I'm in the wrong? Because I'm not recognizing some sin in my life???
Well, I'm being beckoned.
Maybe my faith isn't what it ought to be. And what ought it be? It seems I don't understand anything. Mark brings a different viewpoint of God to the table, which helps me a lot - usually. But sometimes I fear it doesn't. After all, if every good thing any person ever gets is from God, where is my great, perfect and wonderful job? Why can't I know what it is I'm supposed to be doing? I am trying to be open, I feel I have been open. I just don't know. Could He be with-holding it because of my lack of faith? But which of those makes sense with what my perception, my knowledge of God?
I am not ungrateful at all. I have a wonderful husband and a wonderful family and friends... I just wish I knew what I was called to do in a day to day situation involving a paycheck.
Arg. It's frustrating. I want to be doing something to glorify Him, that helps other people... that is fun and creative. But what? What is it? I don't want to go back to school, I don't even know what I'd go back for anyway...
I would appreciate your prayers on this matter. Maybe it's a "me" issue. Maybe I'm not doing what I ought and so I'm not being revealed what I feel I should. I guess that's the issue... the "I."
Friday, April 07, 2006
About the cow hickeys, Granny and Grandad (I'll just insert this here: I LOVE MY NEW FAMILY) have two bottle-fed calves right now. They had eight a few weeks ago but the other 6 have been moved to the pasture. One of the calves was very shy but the other (once he realized I'd let him suck my thumb) was not so shy. I named him Tucker. I have a picture of me bottle feeding Tucker the Holstein, but I can't locate it at the moment. Anyway, he was the cutest cow ever (how could he not be? he sucked on my thumb!!!!)
I have longed to sit on the porch and drink iced tea and relax and listen to Toby strum on the guitar while Mark and Grandad lead the discussion on the latest church topics - and we can't forget Granny asking every 2 minutes if you need anything else.
I hate my job right now. That's o.k. But I've been thinking, on the porch I felt at home. I feel that I belong there. In this office, I do not feel as if I belong. In fact, most days I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. Hmmmm... just thinking.
We haven't had a weekend to ourselves since we got married. This weekend (tonight) we're driving to Houston to see Mark's parents. We'll get back late Sunday I'm sure. We'll have a great time - no doubt, but today I'm weary with the thought of more travel. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning being so overwhelmed with what the day might hold in store.
You're wondering where the chicken fried steak comes in? Well, last night, my other brother-in-law Seth came over and the three of us (that includes Mark) had chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, corn and rolls. It was really good. I did pretty well if I don't say so myself (at least, I've come to that conclusion after just finishing some of the left overs for lunch.) Last night, however, I wasn't so confident. This is the second time this week I've cooked for company and I must say that it can be stressful. Tuesday I cooked for 6 (yeah, Mark tells me we're having company on Monday night when we're about to be asleep - he thought I knew). Last night, I cooked for family but that I think can be more stressful because you have to see them the rest of your life! And if they hate it they'll nag you about it forever! Oh the terror! So, both nights I was complimented. But I was really nervous when I got finished last night and realized I hadn't made gravy. I thought Mark would be really upset (I don't know why, but I did.) I wanted it to be perfect (cause it's his favorite meal) and I felt I'd screwed it up. He however, vehelmently disagreed. He thought it was great.
Oddly enough, as I scurried around our tiny kitchen and listened to Mark and Seth's discussion, I also thought about what my blogging buddies might be doing right then. I know, it sounds crazy but I wondered how y'all were spending your evenings. What were you eating for dinner? Who were you with? What are you struggling with right now? I guess it's odd to wonder about people you don't really "know." Or maybe not.
The point in all this? Not sure. But I do know I'd love to go home and take a nap with my husband, or sit on a porch and drink iced tea, or be anywhere but here at my desk right now.
Wow. I feel this had no point at all except that I love good times with family, a good rocking chair, a tall glass of iced tea and homemade chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes. It's not comfort food because that's what you find your solace in: it's comfort food because that's what you know best.
Ya'll have a great weekend... I know I will.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Thursday, March 30, 2006
It's frustrating. Today I'm exceptionally tired of babysitting them. If they were 3 or 8 or 12, I wouldn't be so irritated because I would expect an individual of that age to need assistance.
I've been working on getting another job. I know I shouldn't complain... I'm not really complaining, just venting frustration. I have to vent somewhere (and this is the place to do so about most things) because I can't bring it home every day. That's no bueno. Anyway, contrary to popular belief I have been seeking new employment. God just hasn't revealed to me where or what that is yet. That's o.k. with me, I'm just tired of being bombarded with questions about it.
I'm not a slacker, I work hard, I try my hardest not to whine and complain (cause it drives me nuts when others do), I'm looking for another job... so cut me some slack folks. I know I'm not perfect. I know I make mistakes... HUGE mistakes even. However, I could use some slack today as opposed to the tightening of the noose.
Of course a lot of the grief derives from the person saying the words. For instance, a co-workers duress might not seem as bad as from a close family member. You get my drift.
Anyway, just bored at work and thinking aloud.
Three years ago yesterday, their son died. It was a strange situation. He was infected by some sort of bacteria or virus and died very quickly. They never really knew why. My brothers and parents knew this family because of their association with the Boy Scouts of America.
Yesterday, Mr. Priest arrived home (I'm sure with heavy things already on his mind) to find his wife dead. They are pretty sure it was suicide... I don't know any more details than that.
The idea that there are so many hurting people in the world has been heavy on my mind for several days now. There are people who are tormented daily by things we cannot (and I'm sure would not want to) see. I prayed so hard last night and this morning that there would be extra angels sent to comfort and protect Mr. Priest.
We are all in this war, these daily spiritual battles... the sad thing is most of us don't even realize it.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Who doesn't know what a corn dog is? Real, red-blooded American have experienced and know the fabulousness that is a corn dog.
I brought 2 corn dogs for lunch today. I delicately placed them in the toaster oven here at BS, Inc. (seriously, that's our initials) and waited for the delectable aroma to waft into my office. However, before the aroma hit me something else did. It was the sound of a co-workers voice asking the hideous question,
"Are those corn weenies?"
CORN WEENIES??!?!?! Serious... SERIOUS? CORN WEENIES?!?!!
This is your problem woman, you don't know what a corn dog is! Woe to you, who lacks knowledge in the arena of gourmet delicacies! Woe unto your children for their palates will not taste the fine cuisine that would be a corn dog!
Here you have it folks, the decline of Western society due to an ignorance in regard to corn dogs.
If my husband Mark were to run for president his mantra would be, "Corn dogs are the stamp of an American. Every house should have a box!"
And now, a tribute to corn dogs:
I was speaking to a friend I've known since middle school this morning. She didn't come to the wedding. She gave me grief because she wasn't in the last one. I asked her (because I wanted her to be, not out of obligation) to be in this one. She calls me about two weeks before the big day and says she's not going to be able to make it. On top of that she had to say, "I've known for about two weeks, I just didn't want to tell you cause I figured you'd be mad."
Gee? You think I might be upset because you can't make it??? I wanted you to be there to share in something I'm excited about... to be excited with me!
I have another "friend" (oh, how loosely I use the term) who was also supposed to be a bridesmaid and she never called. I hadn't heard from her by Friday and of course, she didn't miraculously appear (as I'd so hoped) on Saturday. She still hasn't called. She lives with a guy who beats her and I was worred something terrible happened. I mean, I was worried I wouldn't ever be getting another call from her. I called the Houston police department, they were of no help. I had been leaving (and continue to leave) countless messages on her home and cell phones. I reached her mom the other day (luckily, I have her number) and she said that my friend was fine. She's not dead anyway. Her mom was suprised she hadn't called me to let me know she wasn't coming.
So, I had my four fabulous friends, two of who I can't even believe I'm so blessed to have them in my life... and Mark had his 6. It looked a little lopsided. Guess it's good I'm not a perfectionist (cause the pictures are going to look interesting I'm sure.)
Back to the wall discussion. I didn't think I was one who puts up walls. Like I stated previously, I don't put up brick walls. It's not like they're inpenitrible. But they just place me a little further away. They make things hazy... a little distant. They're crepe paper walls. Not strong at all, not as transparent as celophane. You can still hear me. We can still see each other's form. I can hear you... but it makes things difficult to decipher... just how I like it.
Crepe paper walls are easy to tear down. In fact it can be done in an instant if I so choose (which may make me seem a little bi-polar to some.) They're easily put up and easily taken down. This can be a good and a bad thing.
When my Crepe is up, I feel distanced and therefore don't say much or say things I shouldn't... so most of the time (to prevent further damage) I don't say much of anything. Some friends may be confused here, but let me clarify. Sometimes I'm silent because I have heavy thoughts on my mind and sometimes I'm silent because of a wall and those who know me know the difference.
Why do the walls come up? Why does anyone's? Because they're afraid of being hurt again. Putting up a wall protects me. I feel that I have given alot to alot of people in my life so far and haven't received much from them. I know it's not all about receiving, this is in no way my point. I am merely stating that in relationships there must be give and take from both parties involved or resentment can build quickly.
Anyway, just thinking out loud this morning.
I feel I am never who I should be, never making any headway.
Just thinking outloud...
Friday, March 24, 2006
So, did any of you see the LSU/Duke game last night???? Holy cow! How many free throws can a team score in 9 seconds. That was insane. Duke TOTALLY lost it... they lost their cool and the consequence was the game.
When they took Reddick out with 9 seconds left in the game (to a standing ovation) it was really emotional. Gosh... you KNOW he had DREAMED of cutting down the net. Dang.
I don't have a bracket, I've just been watching the games. But they are all really intense. Like the A&M/Syracuse game. Wow. That was a killer.
Anyhoo... I've always loved college sports (never been much of a NBA or NFL kinda gal) but never kept up with it like this (that's largely.. ok ALL because of my fabulous husband, Mark).
I love March Madness (and the name make so much more sense now that I'm partaking in the madness of it all).
On another note, I know some wives complain about their husbands always watching sports but I'm thankful mine does. He is not a yelling, insane, upset for three days madman when his team does not win - that helps our situation out a lot. :) However, he could be watching a whole lot of other things - things I don't want him watching. So I'm grateful. Besides, I enjoy knowing somethings gives him such pleasure. And if I have a question regarding a ref call or something, it is much better to ask at an opportune time, then we're both happy. I have a better understanding and he doesn't feel as if I'm badgering him to death. At least, I don't think so... hmmm, I should ask him about that! God has blessed me (for reasons I will never understand) with an absolutely amazing husband. This is only one of the many arenas that Mark is a most wonderful man.
One last thing, it makes me CRAZY when you're at a stoplight and immediately after the light turns green the person behind you LAYS on the horn like you've sat there for 10 minutes. Good grief people, that's ridiculous.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
These are pics from the rehearsal dinner and Mark and I's "Mystery Meet" we hosted for our out of town friends so we could all meet each other and hang out!
The rehearsal was just that - and that's all I'm going to say.
The Mystery Meet was supposed to be at a skating rink. But there were complications, we got there (45 minutes late) and found out that for the last 30 minutes the rink was open they have a "dance." Well, we got in half price and didn't skate (or dance). Anyhoo, we decided since that was a total flop we'd go to Whataburger and chill. It was a good time...
Ok so the pics from the Mystery Meet will be on the next post. Blogger is driving me nuts!
Mom and me!!!
Me and the mammas (but where are the pappas?)
The Great Beef, our Mom & Killjoy
This pic cracks me up because it looks like Mark has a halo!!
My new family!!
Kayleigh, me and Jaitlyn - my flower girls!