Friday, April 28, 2006

Can anyone tell me why my blog layout is screwed up? It's driving me crazy.

"Neighborhood Hottie" (as deemed by Scott)

On the way to grab some dinner I told Mark the story about Red Jersey telling me I was hot. He thought it was funny and then went on for a minute or so about "I've been tellin' you baby!" and whatnot. Sheesh. Anyway, we went to eat at a BBQ place in Garland on a gift certificate. Yeee haw. It was yummy and, being that I lost my appetite when the topic of discussion turned to grad school acceptance and moving closer to Denton, I now have left overs for lunch. Yea!

We drove up to the apartment after dinner and parked the car.

Upon getting out of the car, he pauses to say:
"Hold on a second, we have to give you a proper entrance."



So my husband (unabashed as he is) proceeds to "give me proper entrance."

"Excuse me, could I have eveyone's attention... hey everybody, if you'll please look this way... the hottie is here."

He carried on like that until we got in the house (which proved challenging since I was running for the door and HE had the keys.)

Good grief. Now I have a reputation to keep up... ;)

Thursday, April 27, 2006

I'm one of "them" now...

I was making a casserole so that we'd have supper when we got home from church and lunch for the rest of the week. Mark was already at the church building setting up a volleyball net so I was home alone.

The chicken was boiling, the sauce heating up nicely... it was all coming together great. (It was exceptional actually, being that I have a brand new stove since the last one caught fire on Easter... That's for another post.)

Out of no where there's a knock on the door. I wasn't expecting anyone and Mark wouldn't knock, so I was a little hesitant due to my attire. I came home, through on some jeans and taken off my poncho leaving me with a really tight spaghetti strap undershirt. I would never go out into public with just this on. I was debating on whether to answer the door, but then again it could be the plumber to fix the leaking bathtub (that has now produced a busted water bubble in the ceiling downstairs).

I decided to answer the door.
There's a boy in a red jersey standing there.

"Is Chase here?"
"Nope, sorry. I think you have the wrong apartment."

Back to the kitchen to tend to the casserole, thinking about that kid. When I was his age I thought 25 year olds were so much older and cooler than me. I wondered what this kid thought, how this kid perceived me. My thought process was rudely interrupted by a another knock at the door. This time there's two boys.

The older of the two asks:
"Did a boy in a red shirt come by here?"
"Which way did he go?"
"That way." I said, pointing to my left (the kid's right.)

So about five minutes later I realized the clock on the microwave is 45 minutes behind... Luckily I managed to get to church and only be 15 minutes late.

On my way out the door to the car, the two boys (united at last) were playing across the driveway and down a little ways.

Red Jersey: "Hey, I found him!" he yells.
"Ok. Great!" I holler back.
Red Jersey walks behind a car, I can't see him anymore... and then I hear:

"You're hot!!!"

I saved my laugh for the drive to the building. I didn't respond to him cause I wasn't sure what to say. What would you say? Thanks? It cracked me up. Guess I know what the kid thinks of me now... kinda weird actually.

Monday, April 24, 2006

it when you loose a

dang it all...

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Ok folks, it's finally happening - that's right - I'm talking about the apocalypse. May 21st, to be exact. If any of you faithful readers (HA!) in this little blogosphere would like to meet Frustrated, PreacherBoy, Discom, Beef (wish you could be here Killjoy) myself and others... then the time is now. PreacherBoy is strolling through Texas and we've decided to meet up. (I can't believe I'm turning into one of those people who actually meets the people they talk to on the internet!)

Get that? May 21st, 6:oopm.

If you want more info - email me.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006


Sometimes at work I go sit in the bathroom just to get away from my desk. It's the only room in the office that isn't white... it's liliac with black and white flower pics. It's just nice to get away from everything.

Sometimes you need to do something drastic - like chop off 7 inches of hair!

Sometimes you just need to cry... like last night (we BOTH cried) when we were tired, upset about the church we're at (you find out alot about things in a "leader meeting"), and completely overwhelmed with the thought of money and the months ahead.

I love my husband. He is sooooooooooooooo fabulous.

I got to work at 7:15 am this morning cause I took Mark to the bus barn, then came straight here. We don't have the cash for gas this week so we're going to work together. I'm picking him up at 4:30. This works out great cause now our schedules will be the same, we'll get to see each other more and we save money on gas!! How much greater can life get???

I miss Sydney, but we're working on the remedy for that.

My boss promises alot. She breaks alot of promises too.

I'm now officially a part-time sales rep. I have the opportunity to make more money and that's a blessing.

I've decided to go to grad school. Yeah. Crazy, but I'm making no money and I'm tired of the mindless monotony that is my work.

Thursday, April 13, 2006


Keep thoughts high in the sky
You’re like a big kite
That’s flying from people
Who wanna keep you down,
Down in the crowds
Where they’re always breakin’ out
Watch out for piranhas
There’s always piranhas
Watch out for piranhas
Ready or not
Like it or not
Here they come again
It’s a shame
But you are just laughing
People want to keep you in the dark
You’re always a mess
But you’re always a step ahead of the crowd
Watch out for piranhas
There’s always piranhas
Watch out for piranhas
So many times I have been late
While feeling the breeze
Tons of hopeless thoughts in me
Now I’m free...And now I’m free!
Watch out for piranhas
You can be what you want
It’s a matter of time
Prepare to be amazed
You’re flashing
They’re frowning
You flash the clover leaf cheer
It’s a game
You’re winning
There’s always so many piranhas
Watch out for piranhas
There’s always piranhas
Watch out for piranhas

* by Tripping Daisy

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

99 bottles of beer on the wall, wait make that tequila

Made two sales today. Yee haw. Really, I was so excited my boss and I were jumping up and down and hugging each other (cause we have three weeks left to sell this show and there's only two of us selling it.) This was the first sell of the show!

Didn't leave work until 6:00 pm. Took the Dallas Tollway, to I635 E, to 30 (towards Texarkana) and exited appropriately. Took an hour (with minimal traffic.) Either we pay over $200 a month in highway tolls or I drive (in the mornings) and hour and 45 minute commute. I was thinking on my way home (as traffic was better than expected) that if I had a CD with scripture to listen to in the mornings and a book on tape/CD in the afternoons (Bradbury books on tape... oh make me salivate) I would be set. I could handle that. But, there's no tape deck and yeah, you guessed it the Cavlier's CD player doesn't work. I can't drive (let me restate that, I'm not driving) the Jeep because it's too much in gas money every week. I haven't driven my Jeep since we've been married. I didn't even drive (coming or going) when we went to Houston last weekend. I am having withdrawals. Anyway, back to the story at hand. Turned on the radio... there was little good on but I thought it would be nice to roll the windows down (2/60 air conditioning baby) and jam out regardless of the crappy songs. One could roll the windows down if the windows would come back up. Actually, it's only the driver's side window which makes drive throughs enough to compel a person to a nervous break down. I almost rolled it down anyway, just cause I wanted to but decided against it because I didn't want to hear about it when I got home.

So, pull into my parking space at the apartment and walk into the house (my husband's ring tone sounding as I made my way through the door) at around 7:oo pm. Some of our company for the evening has already arrived. Great. So I go to making chili (haven't even changed out of my work clothes yet) and the rest of the crew comes in. The meeting commenced with me still in the kitchen (which is so conviently and unconviently connected to the living area). I don't know have of what happened and every time I made a suggestion, no one heard it and 2 minutes later someone would say THE EXACT thing I just finished saying and everyone would think it such a superior idea.

10:00 pm. I sit here blogging now. Tired. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too tired. Tired of people, tired of ideas for a youth rally weekend, tired of Young Life. Tired. Just plain tired. When I get really tired I have figured out that I do one of two things: get quiet and pensive (oh, make that one of three things... I just thought of another one), get quiet and irritated with EVERYTHING making me grumpy or I laugh at EVERYTHING or nothing except that which is in my own head. I'm suffering from all of these right now.

Changing subjects (but not really, cause I've been thinking about it consistently all day) our friends just got a new job. They are pregnant (honeymoon baby) and he really needed a better paying job, a job with better hours, one that would be consistent in everyway a job should be. He accepted one today. He sat in our living room tonight and talked about how it is a total shock to him... he can't believe it and he recognizes where it's from. I am happy for them, they were so excited. Standing in the kitchen, putting up the dirty dishes I decided I would be happy. Jealously started to creep in... I'm not even going to lie about it. However, I squelched that beast as quickly as was humanly possible.

I'm a little frustrated with a situation that I can't really talk about. I'm not going to here. I would like to but it would not be appropriate. It's just that sometimes I feel all I do is give, give, give to people (very special people) and I get nothing. There are times I know I should stand up for myself, but at what cost? Is it worth the cost? I'm just tired.

And THIS is completely another thought, one that stems purely from selfishness: sometimes it's extremely hard to know that you can never be another person's "everything" because you know that God is the only one who can be anyone's "everything." That hurts, I don't know why, but it does and there were a few minutes this weekend when I was so upset about it that I was nearly beside myself. I know, I know, it's ridiculous. Funny thing is that I have never felt this way until about a week ago. I'm sure Satan is merely trying to drive a wedge, create chaos when there should be none.

I'm tired of the chaos. Can I have some peace? And if I don't have peace is that because of my selfishness? Is that because ultimately I'm in the wrong? Because I'm not recognizing some sin in my life???

Well, I'm being beckoned.

Good night.

Isn't life supposed to be easier when you have a degree?

Maybe my faith isn't what it ought to be. And what ought it be? It seems I don't understand anything. Mark brings a different viewpoint of God to the table, which helps me a lot - usually. But sometimes I fear it doesn't. After all, if every good thing any person ever gets is from God, where is my great, perfect and wonderful job? Why can't I know what it is I'm supposed to be doing? I am trying to be open, I feel I have been open. I just don't know. Could He be with-holding it because of my lack of faith? But which of those makes sense with what my perception, my knowledge of God?

I am not ungrateful at all. I have a wonderful husband and a wonderful family and friends... I just wish I knew what I was called to do in a day to day situation involving a paycheck.

Arg. It's frustrating. I want to be doing something to glorify Him, that helps other people... that is fun and creative. But what? What is it? I don't want to go back to school, I don't even know what I'd go back for anyway...

I would appreciate your prayers on this matter. Maybe it's a "me" issue. Maybe I'm not doing what I ought and so I'm not being revealed what I feel I should. I guess that's the issue... the "I."

Friday, April 07, 2006

Cow hickeys, rocking chairs, iced tea & chicken fried steak

That's right folks. Cow hickeys. My thumbs were both a little sore after last weekend. We went to visit Mark's grandparents and meet with the church up there (up there being Oklahoma, due to their recent re-location) about doing a youth rally. When we arrived Saturday afternoon we all sat on the porch in rocking chairs for about 2 hours - drank iced tea by the gallons (at least my brother-in-law Toby and I did) and talked about the usual. What's the usual? Church, politics, the farm... church... more church... you get the idea. It was great.

About the cow hickeys, Granny and Grandad (I'll just insert this here: I LOVE MY NEW FAMILY) have two bottle-fed calves right now. They had eight a few weeks ago but the other 6 have been moved to the pasture. One of the calves was very shy but the other (once he realized I'd let him suck my thumb) was not so shy. I named him Tucker. I have a picture of me bottle feeding Tucker the Holstein, but I can't locate it at the moment. Anyway, he was the cutest cow ever (how could he not be? he sucked on my thumb!!!!)

I have longed to sit on the porch and drink iced tea and relax and listen to Toby strum on the guitar while Mark and Grandad lead the discussion on the latest church topics - and we can't forget Granny asking every 2 minutes if you need anything else.

I hate my job right now. That's o.k. But I've been thinking, on the porch I felt at home. I feel that I belong there. In this office, I do not feel as if I belong. In fact, most days I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. Hmmmm... just thinking.

We haven't had a weekend to ourselves since we got married. This weekend (tonight) we're driving to Houston to see Mark's parents. We'll get back late Sunday I'm sure. We'll have a great time - no doubt, but today I'm weary with the thought of more travel. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning being so overwhelmed with what the day might hold in store.

You're wondering where the chicken fried steak comes in? Well, last night, my other brother-in-law Seth came over and the three of us (that includes Mark) had chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, corn and rolls. It was really good. I did pretty well if I don't say so myself (at least, I've come to that conclusion after just finishing some of the left overs for lunch.) Last night, however, I wasn't so confident. This is the second time this week I've cooked for company and I must say that it can be stressful. Tuesday I cooked for 6 (yeah, Mark tells me we're having company on Monday night when we're about to be asleep - he thought I knew). Last night, I cooked for family but that I think can be more stressful because you have to see them the rest of your life! And if they hate it they'll nag you about it forever! Oh the terror! So, both nights I was complimented. But I was really nervous when I got finished last night and realized I hadn't made gravy. I thought Mark would be really upset (I don't know why, but I did.) I wanted it to be perfect (cause it's his favorite meal) and I felt I'd screwed it up. He however, vehelmently disagreed. He thought it was great.

Oddly enough, as I scurried around our tiny kitchen and listened to Mark and Seth's discussion, I also thought about what my blogging buddies might be doing right then. I know, it sounds crazy but I wondered how y'all were spending your evenings. What were you eating for dinner? Who were you with? What are you struggling with right now? I guess it's odd to wonder about people you don't really "know." Or maybe not.

The point in all this? Not sure. But I do know I'd love to go home and take a nap with my husband, or sit on a porch and drink iced tea, or be anywhere but here at my desk right now.

Wow. I feel this had no point at all except that I love good times with family, a good rocking chair, a tall glass of iced tea and homemade chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes. It's not comfort food because that's what you find your solace in: it's comfort food because that's what you know best.

Ya'll have a great weekend... I know I will.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006


I have an interview today at 6:00 pm... be in prayer that God will reveal to me what I should do (accept, not accept, etc.)