Thursday, July 07, 2005

Because of you...

I am so sick and tired of being stabbed in the back. I'm tired of being everyone else's doormat. I'm tired of working my butt off and getting nothing in return. I'm am tired of being hurt. TIRED OF IT!!!!!! I'm not sure what it is, I'm not sure why it is but I'm sure I'm tired of it.

I have lost: three of my best friends (C, T & J who were supposed to be there. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE!!!! And J, you just gave up... AND YOU MADE VOWS, VOWS!!!!! before God and man) I've lost respect for all humanity, there have been times when I have lost the will to live... I've lost all desire to trust anyone.

I'm tired of trusting people with myself and getting SCREWED OVER!!!!!!! If you're going to talk about me, do it when I'm standing there, not when I'm not around and can't defend myself. I WAS THERE FOR YOU!!!!!! And this is how I'm repaid???!?!?!?!! What the heck? How dare you. Do you really think I wanted all this to happen, and now, instead of being there you're going to condemn me to Hell and leave me for dead. Thanks. Thanks. Because God can forgive your sin and not mine? Got the book and verse for that one? I'm sure you do... YOU HAVE MISSED THE BOAT. MISSED IT.


And then I think of Christ... and I cry.


And I'm sick of crying. And I'm sick of trying to please everyone else, because even when you do they hate you for it anyway. Sick. Sick. Sick.

3 comments:

Scott said...

Ram - I wish you were able to tell us how you REALLY feel (wink)

Seriously, there is only one risk more terrible than exposing yourself to the vulnerability of others' unthinkable malevolence - and that is NOT exposing yourself to the vulnerability.

Both suck - it's just that one sucks just a little more.

Hangeth in there.

GreatBeefalo said...

what writer said--even though you do anyway. But I dont mind. and neither does anyone else in our convoluted family.

rambouillet said...

All: thank you so much for the encouragement... it means a lot. I really needed it and appreciate it. I have been blessed with good blogging buddies! ;) You guys ROCK!!!