A Trip to the MD's Office (and other tales from the crypt)

This morning I went to the doctor. Have been feeling like crap since last Wednesday. Pretty sure it's a sinus infection... but had to wait til I had some money to go to the MD.

It is inevitable that the question of whether or not you could be pregnant comes up. Arg. And I love it when they ask when your last period was cause when I answer it ALWAYS throws them for a loop which then requires further explanation.

MD: "When was your last period?"
Ram: *insert my answer
MD: "Is it always like that?"
Ram: "Yup. For as long as I can remember." *insert more explanation
MD: "Is there a possibility you could be pregnant?"
Ram: "No."
MD: *looking at me like I'm and IDIOT... "Are you sure?"
Ram: "Yup. Pretty sure."
MD: "Do you take precautions?"
At this point, I really want to LAUGH out loud, but refrain.
Ram: "I'm not sexually active."
MD: He looks at me for a moment and says, "Well I guess that's the best kind of precaution then, isn't it?"
Ram: I look at him wanting to say about 50 different things, but once again, refraining.

When I had foot surgery a few years ago for the first time (did both right and left feet... right one first, it was the worst) I was in the out patient surgery area just waiting to get it over with. Before they would put me under though, they had to "verify" that I wasn't pregnant. Thus ensues this conversation:

Nurse: "Is there any possibility you cold be pregnant?"
Ram: "No."
Here's the funny thing, J and my grandmother are sitting in the room with me. I don't have my contacts in, can't see squat and I've had to sign about 50 different papers already and the frustration is mounting.
Nurse: "Are you sure?"
Ram: "Yeah."
Nurse: "We have to get a urine sample to be sure."
At this point I'M PISSED. How am I supposed to pea in a cup when I can't see? And they want me to walk half way across the room to do in a hospital gown. NO THANK YOU.
Ram: "I'm not pregnant."
Nurse: "We have to be sure."
Ram: "Lady, if I was pregnant it'd be the equivalent of the next virgin Mary."
Nurse: SHE JUST STARES AT ME
So we trek over to the restroom and she hands me a cup.
Nurse: "I know you're grandmother is in there, so you may not have wanted to answer honestly... but we need to know if you're pregnant."
At this point I'm wondering what in the world it is I'm not saying to her to make her understand the situation.
Ram (loudly): "I'm not pregnant cause I'm a virgin!"
This is where all the people at the nurse's station and all of everyone STOPS TALKING AND TURNS AROUND TO STARE AT ME the big idiot.
Nurse (like she's talking to a baby): "O.k., sweetie, we'll get you taken care of."
She takes the cup from my hand and voila! No peeing in a cup for me.
From that point on, the surgeon and the anethesiologist all treated me as if I was... well, "special." Good grief Charlie Brown!

I just hate it that it comes up every time. Anytime you go see the Doc, they're going to ask and then it becomes a huge fiasco.

And here's the crazy thing: it's not like I couldn't get any if I didn't want to, it's that I'm crazy enough to have the will power not to. Because at some point in my life I decided to make a commitment to God and take what he said seriously (even if it does make a person insane from time to time.)

Anyway, I hate the Dr's office. They're never fun.