I
HATE
it when you loose a
WHOLE FREAKIN' POST!!!

dang it all...

Ok folks, it's finally happening - that's right - I'm talking about the apocalypse. May 21st, to be exact. If any of you faithful readers (HA!) in this little blogosphere would like to meet Frustrated, PreacherBoy, Discom, Beef (wish you could be here Killjoy) myself and others... then the time is now. PreacherBoy is strolling through Texas and we've decided to meet up. (I can't believe I'm turning into one of those people who actually meets the people they talk to on the internet!)

Get that? May 21st, 6:oopm.

If you want more info - email me.

Quipets

Sometimes at work I go sit in the bathroom just to get away from my desk. It's the only room in the office that isn't white... it's liliac with black and white flower pics. It's just nice to get away from everything.

Sometimes you need to do something drastic - like chop off 7 inches of hair!

Sometimes you just need to cry... like last night (we BOTH cried) when we were tired, upset about the church we're at (you find out alot about things in a "leader meeting"), and completely overwhelmed with the thought of money and the months ahead.

I love my husband. He is sooooooooooooooo fabulous.

I got to work at 7:15 am this morning cause I took Mark to the bus barn, then came straight here. We don't have the cash for gas this week so we're going to work together. I'm picking him up at 4:30. This works out great cause now our schedules will be the same, we'll get to see each other more and we save money on gas!! How much greater can life get???

I miss Sydney, but we're working on the remedy for that.

My boss promises alot. She breaks alot of promises too.

I'm now officially a part-time sales rep. I have the opportunity to make more money and that's a blessing.

I've decided to go to grad school. Yeah. Crazy, but I'm making no money and I'm tired of the mindless monotony that is my work.

Piranha*

Keep thoughts high in the sky
You’re like a big kite
That’s flying from people
Who wanna keep you down,
Down in the crowds
Where they’re always breakin’ out
Watch out for piranhas
There’s always piranhas
Watch out for piranhas
Ready or not
Like it or not
Here they come again
It’s a shame
But you are just laughing
People want to keep you in the dark
You’re always a mess
But you’re always a step ahead of the crowd
Watch out for piranhas
There’s always piranhas
Watch out for piranhas
So many times I have been late
While feeling the breeze
Tons of hopeless thoughts in me
Now I’m free...And now I’m free!
Watch out for piranhas
You can be what you want
It’s a matter of time
Prepare to be amazed
You’re flashing
They’re frowning
You flash the clover leaf cheer
It’s a game
You’re winning
There’s always so many piranhas
Watch out for piranhas
There’s always piranhas
Watch out for piranhas

* by Tripping Daisy

99 bottles of beer on the wall, wait make that tequila

Made two sales today. Yee haw. Really, I was so excited my boss and I were jumping up and down and hugging each other (cause we have three weeks left to sell this show and there's only two of us selling it.) This was the first sell of the show!

Didn't leave work until 6:00 pm. Took the Dallas Tollway, to I635 E, to 30 (towards Texarkana) and exited appropriately. Took an hour (with minimal traffic.) Either we pay over $200 a month in highway tolls or I drive (in the mornings) and hour and 45 minute commute. I was thinking on my way home (as traffic was better than expected) that if I had a CD with scripture to listen to in the mornings and a book on tape/CD in the afternoons (Bradbury books on tape... oh make me salivate) I would be set. I could handle that. But, there's no tape deck and yeah, you guessed it the Cavlier's CD player doesn't work. I can't drive (let me restate that, I'm not driving) the Jeep because it's too much in gas money every week. I haven't driven my Jeep since we've been married. I didn't even drive (coming or going) when we went to Houston last weekend. I am having withdrawals. Anyway, back to the story at hand. Turned on the radio... there was little good on but I thought it would be nice to roll the windows down (2/60 air conditioning baby) and jam out regardless of the crappy songs. One could roll the windows down if the windows would come back up. Actually, it's only the driver's side window which makes drive throughs enough to compel a person to a nervous break down. I almost rolled it down anyway, just cause I wanted to but decided against it because I didn't want to hear about it when I got home.

So, pull into my parking space at the apartment and walk into the house (my husband's ring tone sounding as I made my way through the door) at around 7:oo pm. Some of our company for the evening has already arrived. Great. So I go to making chili (haven't even changed out of my work clothes yet) and the rest of the crew comes in. The meeting commenced with me still in the kitchen (which is so conviently and unconviently connected to the living area). I don't know have of what happened and every time I made a suggestion, no one heard it and 2 minutes later someone would say THE EXACT thing I just finished saying and everyone would think it such a superior idea.

10:00 pm. I sit here blogging now. Tired. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too tired. Tired of people, tired of ideas for a youth rally weekend, tired of Young Life. Tired. Just plain tired. When I get really tired I have figured out that I do one of two things: get quiet and pensive (oh, make that one of three things... I just thought of another one), get quiet and irritated with EVERYTHING making me grumpy or I laugh at EVERYTHING or nothing except that which is in my own head. I'm suffering from all of these right now.


Changing subjects (but not really, cause I've been thinking about it consistently all day) our friends just got a new job. They are pregnant (honeymoon baby) and he really needed a better paying job, a job with better hours, one that would be consistent in everyway a job should be. He accepted one today. He sat in our living room tonight and talked about how it is a total shock to him... he can't believe it and he recognizes where it's from. I am happy for them, they were so excited. Standing in the kitchen, putting up the dirty dishes I decided I would be happy. Jealously started to creep in... I'm not even going to lie about it. However, I squelched that beast as quickly as was humanly possible.

I'm a little frustrated with a situation that I can't really talk about. I'm not going to here. I would like to but it would not be appropriate. It's just that sometimes I feel all I do is give, give, give to people (very special people) and I get nothing. There are times I know I should stand up for myself, but at what cost? Is it worth the cost? I'm just tired.

And THIS is completely another thought, one that stems purely from selfishness: sometimes it's extremely hard to know that you can never be another person's "everything" because you know that God is the only one who can be anyone's "everything." That hurts, I don't know why, but it does and there were a few minutes this weekend when I was so upset about it that I was nearly beside myself. I know, I know, it's ridiculous. Funny thing is that I have never felt this way until about a week ago. I'm sure Satan is merely trying to drive a wedge, create chaos when there should be none.

I'm tired of the chaos. Can I have some peace? And if I don't have peace is that because of my selfishness? Is that because ultimately I'm in the wrong? Because I'm not recognizing some sin in my life???

Well, I'm being beckoned.

Good night.

Isn't life supposed to be easier when you have a degree?

Maybe my faith isn't what it ought to be. And what ought it be? It seems I don't understand anything. Mark brings a different viewpoint of God to the table, which helps me a lot - usually. But sometimes I fear it doesn't. After all, if every good thing any person ever gets is from God, where is my great, perfect and wonderful job? Why can't I know what it is I'm supposed to be doing? I am trying to be open, I feel I have been open. I just don't know. Could He be with-holding it because of my lack of faith? But which of those makes sense with what my perception, my knowledge of God?

I am not ungrateful at all. I have a wonderful husband and a wonderful family and friends... I just wish I knew what I was called to do in a day to day situation involving a paycheck.

Arg. It's frustrating. I want to be doing something to glorify Him, that helps other people... that is fun and creative. But what? What is it? I don't want to go back to school, I don't even know what I'd go back for anyway...

I would appreciate your prayers on this matter. Maybe it's a "me" issue. Maybe I'm not doing what I ought and so I'm not being revealed what I feel I should. I guess that's the issue... the "I."

Cow hickeys, rocking chairs, iced tea & chicken fried steak

That's right folks. Cow hickeys. My thumbs were both a little sore after last weekend. We went to visit Mark's grandparents and meet with the church up there (up there being Oklahoma, due to their recent re-location) about doing a youth rally. When we arrived Saturday afternoon we all sat on the porch in rocking chairs for about 2 hours - drank iced tea by the gallons (at least my brother-in-law Toby and I did) and talked about the usual. What's the usual? Church, politics, the farm... church... more church... you get the idea. It was great.

About the cow hickeys, Granny and Grandad (I'll just insert this here: I LOVE MY NEW FAMILY) have two bottle-fed calves right now. They had eight a few weeks ago but the other 6 have been moved to the pasture. One of the calves was very shy but the other (once he realized I'd let him suck my thumb) was not so shy. I named him Tucker. I have a picture of me bottle feeding Tucker the Holstein, but I can't locate it at the moment. Anyway, he was the cutest cow ever (how could he not be? he sucked on my thumb!!!!)

I have longed to sit on the porch and drink iced tea and relax and listen to Toby strum on the guitar while Mark and Grandad lead the discussion on the latest church topics - and we can't forget Granny asking every 2 minutes if you need anything else.

I hate my job right now. That's o.k. But I've been thinking, on the porch I felt at home. I feel that I belong there. In this office, I do not feel as if I belong. In fact, most days I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. Hmmmm... just thinking.

We haven't had a weekend to ourselves since we got married. This weekend (tonight) we're driving to Houston to see Mark's parents. We'll get back late Sunday I'm sure. We'll have a great time - no doubt, but today I'm weary with the thought of more travel. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning being so overwhelmed with what the day might hold in store.

You're wondering where the chicken fried steak comes in? Well, last night, my other brother-in-law Seth came over and the three of us (that includes Mark) had chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, corn and rolls. It was really good. I did pretty well if I don't say so myself (at least, I've come to that conclusion after just finishing some of the left overs for lunch.) Last night, however, I wasn't so confident. This is the second time this week I've cooked for company and I must say that it can be stressful. Tuesday I cooked for 6 (yeah, Mark tells me we're having company on Monday night when we're about to be asleep - he thought I knew). Last night, I cooked for family but that I think can be more stressful because you have to see them the rest of your life! And if they hate it they'll nag you about it forever! Oh the terror! So, both nights I was complimented. But I was really nervous when I got finished last night and realized I hadn't made gravy. I thought Mark would be really upset (I don't know why, but I did.) I wanted it to be perfect (cause it's his favorite meal) and I felt I'd screwed it up. He however, vehelmently disagreed. He thought it was great.

Oddly enough, as I scurried around our tiny kitchen and listened to Mark and Seth's discussion, I also thought about what my blogging buddies might be doing right then. I know, it sounds crazy but I wondered how y'all were spending your evenings. What were you eating for dinner? Who were you with? What are you struggling with right now? I guess it's odd to wonder about people you don't really "know." Or maybe not.

The point in all this? Not sure. But I do know I'd love to go home and take a nap with my husband, or sit on a porch and drink iced tea, or be anywhere but here at my desk right now.

Wow. I feel this had no point at all except that I love good times with family, a good rocking chair, a tall glass of iced tea and homemade chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes. It's not comfort food because that's what you find your solace in: it's comfort food because that's what you know best.

Ya'll have a great weekend... I know I will.

YIKES!!!

I have an interview today at 6:00 pm... be in prayer that God will reveal to me what I should do (accept, not accept, etc.)

THANKS GUYS!!!

This rocks! I may have to change my name!!!

Your 1920's Name is:

George Maudie

What's Your 1920's Name?

Release the trap door, if you will

I think that Sales Reps think they're the exception to everything. They can't read a postage meter, they can't find a form that's on a shelf right in front of their face, they can't make the adqeate amount of calls in one day (they have to lie about their numbers so they don't get fired)... or maybe it's just our sales reps?

It's frustrating. Today I'm exceptionally tired of babysitting them. If they were 3 or 8 or 12, I wouldn't be so irritated because I would expect an individual of that age to need assistance.

I've been working on getting another job. I know I shouldn't complain... I'm not really complaining, just venting frustration. I have to vent somewhere (and this is the place to do so about most things) because I can't bring it home every day. That's no bueno. Anyway, contrary to popular belief I have been seeking new employment. God just hasn't revealed to me where or what that is yet. That's o.k. with me, I'm just tired of being bombarded with questions about it.

I'm not a slacker, I work hard, I try my hardest not to whine and complain (cause it drives me nuts when others do), I'm looking for another job... so cut me some slack folks. I know I'm not perfect. I know I make mistakes... HUGE mistakes even. However, I could use some slack today as opposed to the tightening of the noose.

Eating words

I have said before that I would rather be yelled at than have someone give me the silent treatment. I have since decided that I would rather not have either... but the silent treatment is better than harmful words any day due to the heavy impact words have on the heart. Tone of voice, inflection... all these play a role in the damage.

Of course a lot of the grief derives from the person saying the words. For instance, a co-workers duress might not seem as bad as from a close family member. You get my drift.

Anyway, just bored at work and thinking aloud.

The Priests

I'm sure it would be greatly appreciated by the Priest family (a family from my hometown) if you would pray fervently for them.

Three years ago yesterday, their son died. It was a strange situation. He was infected by some sort of bacteria or virus and died very quickly. They never really knew why. My brothers and parents knew this family because of their association with the Boy Scouts of America.

Yesterday, Mr. Priest arrived home (I'm sure with heavy things already on his mind) to find his wife dead. They are pretty sure it was suicide... I don't know any more details than that.

The idea that there are so many hurting people in the world has been heavy on my mind for several days now. There are people who are tormented daily by things we cannot (and I'm sure would not want to) see. I prayed so hard last night and this morning that there would be extra angels sent to comfort and protect Mr. Priest.

We are all in this war, these daily spiritual battles... the sad thing is most of us don't even realize it.

CORN WEENIES??? Are you KIDDING me?!?!

Who doesn't know what a corn dog is? Real, red-blooded American have experienced and know the fabulousness that is a corn dog.

I brought 2 corn dogs for lunch today. I delicately placed them in the toaster oven here at BS, Inc. (seriously, that's our initials) and waited for the delectable aroma to waft into my office. However, before the aroma hit me something else did. It was the sound of a co-workers voice asking the hideous question,

"Are those corn weenies?"


CORN WEENIES??!?!?! Serious... SERIOUS? CORN WEENIES?!?!!

This is your problem woman, you don't know what a corn dog is! Woe to you, who lacks knowledge in the arena of gourmet delicacies! Woe unto your children for their palates will not taste the fine cuisine that would be a corn dog!

Here you have it folks, the decline of Western society due to an ignorance in regard to corn dogs.

If my husband Mark were to run for president his mantra would be, "Corn dogs are the stamp of an American. Every house should have a box!"

And now, a tribute to corn dogs:

http://pizza-god.com/corndogs.htm

Crepe Paper Walls

I was thinking this morning on my commute to work that I am one who puts up walls. They're not the brick kind though and they only surface when I feel I've been betrayed or hurt in some way or another. They are not there 24/7.

I was speaking to a friend I've known since middle school this morning. She didn't come to the wedding. She gave me grief because she wasn't in the last one. I asked her (because I wanted her to be, not out of obligation) to be in this one. She calls me about two weeks before the big day and says she's not going to be able to make it. On top of that she had to say, "I've known for about two weeks, I just didn't want to tell you cause I figured you'd be mad."

Gee? You think I might be upset because you can't make it??? I wanted you to be there to share in something I'm excited about... to be excited with me!

I have another "friend" (oh, how loosely I use the term) who was also supposed to be a bridesmaid and she never called. I hadn't heard from her by Friday and of course, she didn't miraculously appear (as I'd so hoped) on Saturday. She still hasn't called. She lives with a guy who beats her and I was worred something terrible happened. I mean, I was worried I wouldn't ever be getting another call from her. I called the Houston police department, they were of no help. I had been leaving (and continue to leave) countless messages on her home and cell phones. I reached her mom the other day (luckily, I have her number) and she said that my friend was fine. She's not dead anyway. Her mom was suprised she hadn't called me to let me know she wasn't coming.

So, I had my four fabulous friends, two of who I can't even believe I'm so blessed to have them in my life... and Mark had his 6. It looked a little lopsided. Guess it's good I'm not a perfectionist (cause the pictures are going to look interesting I'm sure.)

Back to the wall discussion. I didn't think I was one who puts up walls. Like I stated previously, I don't put up brick walls. It's not like they're inpenitrible. But they just place me a little further away. They make things hazy... a little distant. They're crepe paper walls. Not strong at all, not as transparent as celophane. You can still hear me. We can still see each other's form. I can hear you... but it makes things difficult to decipher... just how I like it.

Crepe paper walls are easy to tear down. In fact it can be done in an instant if I so choose (which may make me seem a little bi-polar to some.) They're easily put up and easily taken down. This can be a good and a bad thing.

When my Crepe is up, I feel distanced and therefore don't say much or say things I shouldn't... so most of the time (to prevent further damage) I don't say much of anything. Some friends may be confused here, but let me clarify. Sometimes I'm silent because I have heavy thoughts on my mind and sometimes I'm silent because of a wall and those who know me know the difference.

Why do the walls come up? Why does anyone's? Because they're afraid of being hurt again. Putting up a wall protects me. I feel that I have given alot to alot of people in my life so far and haven't received much from them. I know it's not all about receiving, this is in no way my point. I am merely stating that in relationships there must be give and take from both parties involved or resentment can build quickly.

Anyway, just thinking out loud this morning.

I feel I am never who I should be, never making any headway.

Just thinking outloud...

I love March Madness & other quips

So, did any of you see the LSU/Duke game last night???? Holy cow! How many free throws can a team score in 9 seconds. That was insane. Duke TOTALLY lost it... they lost their cool and the consequence was the game.

When they took Reddick out with 9 seconds left in the game (to a standing ovation) it was really emotional. Gosh... you KNOW he had DREAMED of cutting down the net. Dang.

I don't have a bracket, I've just been watching the games. But they are all really intense. Like the A&M/Syracuse game. Wow. That was a killer.

Anyhoo... I've always loved college sports (never been much of a NBA or NFL kinda gal) but never kept up with it like this (that's largely.. ok ALL because of my fabulous husband, Mark).

I love March Madness (and the name make so much more sense now that I'm partaking in the madness of it all).

On another note, I know some wives complain about their husbands always watching sports but I'm thankful mine does. He is not a yelling, insane, upset for three days madman when his team does not win - that helps our situation out a lot. :) However, he could be watching a whole lot of other things - things I don't want him watching. So I'm grateful. Besides, I enjoy knowing somethings gives him such pleasure. And if I have a question regarding a ref call or something, it is much better to ask at an opportune time, then we're both happy. I have a better understanding and he doesn't feel as if I'm badgering him to death. At least, I don't think so... hmmm, I should ask him about that! God has blessed me (for reasons I will never understand) with an absolutely amazing husband. This is only one of the many arenas that Mark is a most wonderful man.

One last thing, it makes me CRAZY when you're at a stoplight and immediately after the light turns green the person behind you LAYS on the horn like you've sat there for 10 minutes. Good grief people, that's ridiculous.

Mystery Meet

These are the pics from Mark and I's "Mystery Meet."

My girlfriends are: Bekah, Ronica, Lori, me, Cryss & Bonnie.

The guys: David, Jonathan, & Mark.

Bridal Portraits

Celebrate good times... come on!!! (third verse)

These are pics from the rehearsal dinner and Mark and I's "Mystery Meet" we hosted for our out of town friends so we could all meet each other and hang out!

The rehearsal was just that - and that's all I'm going to say.

The Mystery Meet was supposed to be at a skating rink. But there were complications, we got there (45 minutes late) and found out that for the last 30 minutes the rink was open they have a "dance." Well, we got in half price and didn't skate (or dance). Anyhoo, we decided since that was a total flop we'd go to Whataburger and chill. It was a good time...

Ok so the pics from the Mystery Meet will be on the next post. Blogger is driving me nuts!

Celebrate good times... come on!!! (second verse)

My girlfriends!



Mom and me!!!







Me and the mammas (but where are the pappas?)






The Great Beef, our Mom & Killjoy













This pic cracks me up because it looks like Mark has a halo!!



My new family!!





Kayleigh, me and Jaitlyn - my flower girls!

Celebrate good times... come on!!! (first verse)