Blessings?

Prentice preached a few months ago about Jacob wrestling with God and how he asked God for a blessing at the end of the "battle." My mom told me that due to that fact that I have wrestled with God for a good 2 1/2 years that my blessing is coming soon.

This makes me wonder. What type of a blessing? Is there actually going to be a "significant" blessing for the times we spent in trial. I have wonderful friends here in Dallas now that I never imagined I would have. I have a wonderful supportive family. I have a great dog and an apartment with air conditioning, a fridge with food in it and a closet full of clothes.

While I DO NOT taken these blessings for granted and thank God every time I think about how lucky I am, (really and truly, despite everything previous to this new-found renaissance in my life) I wonder. I am in a singles group that needs new leadership and for several months now have felt called to step up and take action. Is this the blessing? Positions of leadership are rarely a blessing. They are more often struggles. I have always been one to love a challenge, no matter what the challenge. And I feel that inspite of the "D" and inspite of being in a singles group (where I never thought I would be... by every right shouldn't be) I feel blessed. I feel called. I feel that God truly does "work for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." It's one thing to know something, its entirely another to experience it. I just keep thinking, "How is it I am so blessed?"

I have a friend who tells me all the time (and it gets old hearing it) that I'm "way too healthy for where [I've] been." First of all, what is that supposed to mean, and second, no I'm not. Considering where I've come from, I'm so happy to be sane again its almost maddening. Besides it never did anyone any good to sit in their own misery - it gets you no where.

This post isn't going to make sense to anyone, I'm sure. But I felt the need to get these thoughts off my chest regardless.