My misguided and ill-concieved brother has this crazy idea that because I have been rececently lavished with compliments regarding my excellent skills in the art of cookie baking by several men (being much more advanced in years and wisdom than he) that this is some kind of a fluke and that he is really the best of the cookie bakers in the family. He has gone so far as to publish a blog and state his claims on the world wide web saying that his cookies have thrown countries into wars. Well brother dear, I've got news for you. I have news.
My cookies were destroying countries and bringing men to their knees long before your feet ever touched the ground. The taste of one chocolatly morsale, the texture of perfectly browned dough melting on the tongue of one so longing and pursuing perfection was driving men off the cliffs of insanity before you were even named, before the sperm hit the egg. Yes. Yes my brother.
Roswell, NM - yeah, they say that was about an alien spacecraft crashing, but the government had to make up something to cover up the fact that the extraterrestrials were really coming to take over the world. However, if it had not been for my baking a batch of my famed and esteemed cookies there would have been an intergalatic war on our hands. But no - due to the delictible goodies baked by the strong hands of good will and peace for the better of us all, the planet was saved from a most vile destruction.
Brother dear, we know you have cookie envy. And it's ok. It's ok. There's no sense in denying it. We can find you help... there is always help. You just have to ask.
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2 comments:
bah! bah! BAH!
never before have I heard such baking-inspired drivel!
okay, I secede that you might have helped a LITTLE in my baking roots...but just a little. and besides, those men may be advanced in years, but definitely not in wisdom. My cookies are so good, they become self-aware and defend themselves against bacteria! They are the next generation in fighting disease!
So I suppose that whenever we get together in A-Town for the big shoot off we'll have to have a bake off as well. Wow. Cookies and guns. Who would have thought? Mewaw Y's genes run strong in the family.
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