Saturday, October 08, 2005

Sorry guys!

I think there is a difference in knowing truth and seeing truth. Knowledge and discernment. Knowing is something you come to do and discerning is a gift in most cases.

Been thinking alot about this lately.

May have to follow up on this later because now that I sit to write it I find that ther are to many other things clouding my mind to wade through them to find my purpose. And this stupid migraine medicine isn't helping any either. I hate it. It makes my mind muddy (which explains why I haven't blogged all week).

Wait. Just give me a minute. I'm finding clarity. It just takes a second...

Speaking of truth... this is a tangent... nothing to do with the above but I have been reading 1984 by George Orwell. Actually, this DOES have to do with the above. O.k. (Clarity is coming. Bare with.) I just started it for the second time. I have a love/hate relationship with this book because it is so great but the end is such a tragedy! It is the first book I have ever finished and at the reading of the last words wanted to destroy. And I mean I wanted to watch the pages be discentigraded in some form or fashion... it stirred that much emotion. What an amazing writer. But it's not just Orwell's writing but the subject on which he was writing on. It stirrs my soul and I rememer that no one else in school (when we read it) cared. Could they not see what was right in front of their faces?!?!?! Oh humanity!

I came across this quote when reading (while waiting in the jury pool room):

"Curiously, the chiming of the hour seemed to have put new heart into him. He was a lonely ghost uttering truth that nobody would ever hear. But so long as he uttered it, in some obsure way the continuity was not broken. It was not by making yourself heard buy by staying sane that you carried on the human heritage. He went back to the table, dipped his pen, and wrote:"

This quote jumped off the page at mean, screamed at me. It screamed a hundred things to me. Thoughts of Scott's post on propheys and conversations my brother and I have on a daily basis and how I feel regularly and feelings of hopelessness and hope and the feelings of the struggles at church right now and my friends Emily and Roshawna and... wow alot of stuff.

And I just realized that this makes no sense at all. This week has been crazy. My boss has not only asked me to continue to do my job but also do the job of a sales rep and not only that but this money situation is about to drive me out of my mind. And then there's PC. And K and G and L. And A asked me why I'm still there, why I don't just go to another church. Because I made a commitment. That's why. She and N are leaving once they're married because of stuff. There's problems with any church, but it's one thing to have problems and try to fix them and another to be content with your sorry attitudes. Mercy... I shouldn't have said that.

So this is a post to make up of the rest of the week I guess. Makes no sense. Just empyting my head this morning. I've had a great morning! I had a GREAT night's sleep and am ready to have a day for myself which I haven't done in a long time.

1 comment:

Demosthenes said...

I really like your attitude about PC. I wish more people would think this way instead of the whole "church buffet" idea.

It's part of our instant gratification culture however. Hey if you don't love it, leave it (or her/him).

Yeah, I don't think this preacher relates to me so I'm leaving. Or, someone moved the flowers I purchased for the auditorium into the foyer so I'm outta here. The church just switched to chairs instead of pews so forget this!

Remember when church was about people instead of "things"? Oh wait that was back when Jesus was here.

I commend you Ram for resisting the urge to "church hop" like the rest of America.