I'm so tired of the friggin' north Dallas attitude. Tired of it. I don't care how much money you make, you that doesn't give you the right to treat people like crap. And I don't care if you wear Gucci or Prada or whatever other name brand or shop at Neiman's or Lord and Taylor or wherever else... get over yourself. I hate materialism. And I work with all these ladies who are obsessed with it and I find myself some days being so overwhelmed by it that I feel the need to give in because I don't feel pretty enough... I already didn't feel like enough because of J and now there's this. E is a body builder and N is a millionaire... good grief. Like my self-esteem needed this? I hate Satan.

My bro and I are standing in the kitchen the other day, I'm making enchiladas and he says to me, "There should be no reason you struggle with self-esteem."

???????

And I feel like crap. Why does this have to be such a struggle? The desire to be wanted or to be desired? I don't want to be because of what I wear or drive... God forbid it... but because of who I am and what type of spirit I exude.

?????????

O.k. you guys are going to be tired of my emotional vomit. I'm sorry. But this week has been crazy and I got an email from The Idiot due to a situation and it pissed me off. The fact that he took the time to type out my name enrages me. Anyway...

And I wouldn't be thinking so much about any of this except that tonight I'm going out to eat with a bunch of fabulous ladies from church. We're getting decked to the 9's and going to eat at this really nice place. We've had it planned for two months (maybe longer) so I've saved up. And E comes in the office earlier and makes a comment about my body and it just blew my whole day... I know it's dumb. It's really dumb but I could have melted into the floor because of what my boss said afterward. Good grief people. So I'm trying to think positive but it's hard. It's just really frustrating... I bought this dress to wear and now I'm debating on even wearing it because of what she said... I could cry. It's so stupid. Thanks E. We know you're perfect, do you have to make the rest of us feel like we're not because we know it. My ex made sure to let me know. Thanks. Thank you very much.